And still struggling

[Jim1234]

Nothing much going on with W, but I had a big blow up with D16 last night. She is in real danger of failing two classes and being held back a year because she simply hasn't done the work. She's entirely capable; she just can't be bothered.

I have been working closely with her teachers to make sure her work gets done, but she's been lying to me about what work she's completed and turned in. It takes a day or two to get feedback from her teachers and catch her in her lies. In this particular case, she is late turning in a homework from two weeks ago. The teacher is patient, understanding, and willing to work with us, but pretty soon, has to start deducting credit for late work. She has to get a 95% this quarter just to pass for the year, and can't afford to lose any credit. When I realized she was lying to me yesterday afternoon, I told her she had to finish this work last night, no matter how long it took.

At midnight, she wasn't done, and tried to sneak off to bed. Now, I am a big believer that they should get a good night's sleep, but in my opinion, finishing this work for full credit was more important than missing some sleep for one night, so I made her continue working on it. Staying up until midnight to make sure D16 does her homework isn't my idea of a good time, but I felt I had to make sure she finished. I wasn't hovering over her; she was in a separate part of the house. At 1:30, she still wasn't done, but said she was close. At 2:00 am, she said she just had a few more things to do and was going to bed. I pointed out that since she's been lying to me, I couldn't be sure she was almost done, and I said, "no, you're not. You're going to finish this and show it to me when it's done." This started her arguing, saying I needed to give her space, and I should go to my bedroom so she could finish it.

I got a little heated at that point, telling her no way was I going to banish myself to my bedroom so the little princess could have her space. I explained that it was MY house, and if she didn't have enough space, she could leave.

So she did, and walked over to her mom's, about a mile away. After I cooled down a bit, I followed in my car to make sure she got there safely.

Her mom's not there. She's on a business trip, but I figured the best thing I could do at that point was let her sleep there, and have S18 pick her up there for school in the morning.

Right now I'm thinking boundaries aren't only for the XW. I'm realizing my boundaries for D16 are she can't lie to me, has to be current on her schoolwork, and has to be respectful enough to do those two things. Otherwise, as much as it will hurt us both in the short term, I will "invite" her to stay at W's, instead of coming here.

I am going to hear an earful when W returns, I'm sure. W also won't like the fact that W's going to have to find somewhere for D16 to stay when she's on a trip.

Any input would be appreciated.