I am new here so please take anything I say with a huge grain of salt!
i just read your post above where he reached out with the text messages. You are wondering if you messed up by saying that you need to talk.
That sounds like something I would do! I think I do it because I have so many repressed needs and every time he reaches out a little, I want to solve things right away. I just need this craziness to be over.
Reading your posts made me wonder if your husband (and maybe mine) is ashamed of his behaviour. Is it possible that he is afraid to talk to you because he doesn’t have the strength to admit he is behaving badly? Needing to talk is perfectly understandable and logical on your part. Maybe the reason he can’t is because he can’t own what he did because he is ashamed.
Thank you - it has just sent me in a spin. I had just got back on track with sleeping. I will try a guided meditation this evening! Keep telling myself slowly slowly....
M: 17 T:17 Me:42 H:48 BD 23/12/2017 H says ‘I don’t want to be married’ D 17 D 15, D 13, S 10, S 10
Thanks HSK - off to find your post! I am not very good at opening up anyway and I feel I am bursting, but I have to tell myself 16 years of marriage - 3 months is nothing :-)
M: 17 T:17 Me:42 H:48 BD 23/12/2017 H says ‘I don’t want to be married’ D 17 D 15, D 13, S 10, S 10
I think you are brave. It is hard to stay and work on things and easy to just walk away. I don’t have any answers but reading the stories others post is helping me see my situation with a tiny bit more objectively. I really wish you the very best. I hope you and your children get everything you need !
Things have remained similar - H did invite his mum for Sunday lunch with us all, this is a first since before Christmas. He was also a little flirty with me - but he stays sleeping downstairs and no hugs or kisses and I am too scared of rejection to try a hug and see his reaction.
We were invited to a wedding party the same time as the BD and he didn’t want to go (he knows the couple more than me!). It is tonight and I am taking a good friend (female!) instead. Last night he asked if I wanted a lift and he’d pick me up, he was quite insistent but I stuck to my guns and will drive myself (plus friends). I hope I made the right choice?
My IC thinks I can’t carry on like this and I need to have a R conversation with him - but with DB I know I shouldn’t but I am concerned about staying in limbo.
M: 17 T:17 Me:42 H:48 BD 23/12/2017 H says ‘I don’t want to be married’ D 17 D 15, D 13, S 10, S 10
trying again! I was on my phone - will see if laptop is better.
I feel like I am living in limbo and I am trying hard not get frustrated. There has been a few positives in the last month. Lots of birthdays, which all went well, lots of family time. Including him coming for a meal with my parents (hasn't seen my parent since before BD. Husband and I have spent lots of time chatting, laughing, watching TV together but no relationship talk and he remains sleeping downstairs. No intimacy - no hugs and no kisses, but lots of laughing together and he loves to tease me. He has been doing lots of work on the house and is asking my opinion on things (flooring, paint colour etc....). He seems to want to spend time with me. To people who don't know about the situation they wouldn't have a clue that anything was amiss.
Do I continue to wait for him to start a relationship conversation? I did ask him if he fancied going for a drink today but he said he had plans but thanked me for the offer. It is now over 4 months since BD - is this still early days?
M: 17 T:17 Me:42 H:48 BD 23/12/2017 H says ‘I don’t want to be married’ D 17 D 15, D 13, S 10, S 10
