T2-I still can't believe I did that, that I acted on my emotions like that and on the wrong day. I told H that I had called there, what I had said and then kind of laughed and said I wonder if she's nervous and hoping you get home. Then said OW will call you I'm sure and tell you all about it. H then made the comment "what if I would have been?" I said well then I would have been on my way over there. I told him I was very disappointed in myself for doing that and he said "why?" I responded "to do something like that."
H said to me you called the guy about the boat and then you called OW. He said so you don't trust me do you? I just kind of laughed and said "don't trust you" ummm where were you last Wednesday night? He then said again you don't trust me...I looked at him again and said "where were you last Wednesday night and then said that I had just called on the wrong night didn't I? H walked away mumbling..I don't care..he couldn't deal with the truth I guess.
H didn't seem too upset, I'm more upset with myself for doing it. I haven't "reacted" like that in a long, long time and it means I've kind of sunk to a new low.
I don't know what came over me last night, the stress, the anxiety, the whole state of things I don't know, "the devil made me do it" I guess.
I don't feel bad for OW, I hope did cause her some panic. Maybe she knows I'm getting tired of her crapp and that there is a possibility that somewhere down the road I will be making a visit to her
I just need to forgive myself, it's eating me up, for doing it and move on.
