[s]No[/s] affair, no feelings...is there hope? III

[44tries]

Haven't posted in a few days so thought I'd check in.

With W being gone, there are positives and negatives. The positive is I am really enjoying the much needed break from the past month of constant focus on DB, how to handle conversations everyday, basically being on guard at all times. I am just relaxing now and it feels great. My appetite has suddenly returned as the stress has reduced (I lost about 10 lb last month, which would be great if I wasn't already pretty skinny; I'm hoping it comes back as muscle with my new gym schedule just in time for summer ). It almost feels like I'm on vacation and for the first few days I just let myself enjoy it.

However, it is NOT vacation and the decreased motivation is the main negative. The timing of also just finishing my final exams last week only fuels the vacation narrative. But I'm not going to let my GAL slide or let the house fall into disarray. This is the time to prove to myself that all my changes (including over the years we have been together) were not just for her. The old, college me would have waited till the day before she came home to do a massive deep clean and pretend I'm not a total slob. Well, I'm not that slob anymore. I want to really buckle down and make this a time of accelerated growth. There's no one to answer to but myself--and I'm going to be a hard-@ss.

I've finished all the great books I've picked up over the past few weeks. I am now looking for more, but also intend to go back through and refine my notes. I think it would be awesome if I created a sort of guide for myself, filled with all the most important stuff I've read and even a lot from the advice I've gotten here. Who knows, maybe one day at the end of my journey, I'll have written my own book on how to get rid of NGS and stop being a perpetual "one down". Bonus chapters on reclaiming male dominance and killing it in the bedroom .

I wasn't really sure what to expect from W during this time, aside from nothing. I didn't worry about it too much; figured she would be glad to get her own break and space she wanted so badly. I told myself not to care if I didn't hear from her for a week or two. She would probably take her freedom and run with it. Instead, she has been texting me multiple times a day every day since she left and yesterday she called me. She asks how is my day, sends me paragraphs telling me everything she ate that day, what she wishes she could bring me and what she is going to bring me. It's not what I expected, but I'm not reading into it. I never contact her first and as soon as the conversation lulls, I stop responding. I also never wonder at all if she is going to text me or when, which is a huge detachment win for me.

I do still worry about getting stuck in friend zone limbo, but I am only just a few steps into my journey. I read a lot on here about how the friend zone is bad; it inhibits your own emotional recovery and reinforces their lack of attraction/enables cake eating. But it seems LRT is built around eliminating pressure, trying to get their guard down and warming them up. Naturally, "friendliness" is the first step to this, is it not? The drop-em-and-don't-look-back approach a lot of people here advise as the "best chance at getting them back" is actually the Last-LRT, I think. Because of the A, perhaps LRT alone with only hit up against a brick wall and Last-LRT will become necessary. I'm trying to be patient and cross that bridge when I get there, rather than make assumptions and go there prematurely. But I don't want to inhibit my own growth so I'm wary of it. Thoughts welcome .