Trying to untangle this BD beast is no joke and once I realized that I had to take full responsibility and accountability of my actions, I knew that I was making a positive change. I've had a crappy life with many issues starting from childhood trauma with tattooed my behavior with survival instincts that I could not shake off. I am now very aware of it and working towards not trying to continuously survive, but actually relax and thrive in my life.
I knew that my priority was my kids, but I also acutely realized that I had to make myself the priority too. One of my failings in the MR and with life in general and other relationships was that I always minimized my needs. After BD I realized that my needs are super important and I had to figure out a way to be a healthy individual with a satisfying life for me to be a good parent. Hence came the 'Law of Shared Needs'.
So I feel much more grounded and because I am feeding my own spirit and pursuing joy in life, I am a way better parent for my kids. I wouldn't have gotten here without DBing and this community.