Well Bluwave, here's the thing that complicates things for me regarding how I forgave her. I've learned that I, sadly, was the root of all that slowly ended our marriage. Not listening to her when she needed me, not seeing she was unhappy for a long time and I was too consumed in other things trying to make our finances better. This wenron for years and she stick it out as long as she could until one day she reached her breaking point. It was around this time that OM and all that happened. Although she is not blameless...and she always has said we were both at fault for our failed marriage...I do truly see now in hindshight that I essentially drove her to the EA by never being there for her emotionally for many, many years. She tried to hang in there and did longer than even I would be able to...but I still wasn't a man anymore. She lost her attraction for me because of my faults and even though I was her husband and she loved me, I was friend-zoned. So it tore her up.
So basically I didn't find it hard to forgive her, I did, however,find it very difficult to forgive myself for letting things get to a desperation point for her when all of it could've been preventing had I not been so oblivious. She never wanted to hurt me but she had to have a life...and I had to essentially get one. Hope that helps.
IH, this does help. A lot. Thank you. I am so glad you are back here. It really is forcing me to look at my sitch from a different angle. It has been very good for me! I don't want to hijack your thread, so perhaps I'll touch on it in my own.
In terms of her reaching out and then pulling back, well I am afraid we are all doing a bit of mind reading here. As I read the posters comments, I find myself thinking, "well, yeah, maybe, but also maybe not..." Let's face it, until she tells you where she is coming from and what her intentions are, none of us can really know.
What we do know are the facts: she wants to see you and talk to you again, therefore she wants some sort of friendship, relationship, or possibly wants to know your position before she makes hers. Us all guessing and speculating on what her next move will be is just that - guessing and speculating. I don't want to get your hopes up and have you get hurt again.
I do agree about taking it very, very slow and cautiously. If your sense is she wants something or is only temp-checking, then go with that. Your instincts will not steer you wrong. If you find yourself obsessing a bit, then go back to DB 101 like the champ you are: detach and GAL!
You got this!!! Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
