Wild ride and now trapped in the Bermuda Triangle

[dmoy]

dmoy, if you are looking for a magic bullet to save your M, then yes, you are going to be disappointed. There is none. The whole problem with trying to save your M is that you have NO CONTROL over your W. None. And any efforts to control her will only further cement her decision to D.

So yes, you work on you. Detach. GAL. 180s. BE THE BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE, and then with every opportunity you have, show her that you are the best you can be!

You're in a better position than some in that you have kids, unless she is completely off the rails she will want to maintain a relationship with her kids, and that's your in. Do exactly what you did this morning.

Also, don't answer her phonecalls. Don't respond to VMs and texts right away. Make her wait. Sorry, you were busy. Keep texts to logistics about the kids. You have to start getting a little mysterious. Make her wonder what is going on. You see, the reason WAWs don't like it when you start to pull back is because you are their safety net. Their plan B. When you start to take that away they feel disoriented, uneasy and start to question their decision. The idea of you not being their to catch her if she falls makes her feel that she may be making the wrong choice.

So take away the safety net. Don't be plan B anymore. Will it work in saving your marriage? Maybe. Maybe not. But how has what you've been doing been working for you? Time to 180.

Thanks for the reminder on the bolded. I had gotten comfortable in oversharing again as she spent more time together over the 5-6 week period. Maybe she was just being nice. Who knows.

What I do know is that her behavior then did not match her words of "I don't feel the same way" and "I can't change how I feel." Those words were a lizard brain (yes, AS, that's what it's actually called ) reaction to my pressure on R. I'm 100% confident when I say that there was an emotional connection, for whatever reason. The eye contact and intimacy holds a significant bond when talking to someone or sharing in an activity together. It's one thing we should all focus on when trying to better connect with our spouses. So despite what she said in the moment, her body language in the weeks prior was saying the opposite. Whether she knew it or not.

In any sense, I'll get back to mystery. Taking care of the kids and not sharing what we're doing.