Journaling I guess, Had stuff on my mind and this seems to be the only place to let it out. Co-workers are done hearing about it! Life is moving along, getting easier everyday but I still have "those days" that I just want to forget. I seem to have the routine down as to how I conduct myself with and without the kids, financially things have so far been better that planned and my kids seem to be doing OK.
XW and I are communicating better, had a good talk with her the other day and we actually looked at each other, I can still make her laugh even though she told me last year that i'm no fun to be around! lol We are doing our best to co-parent and she made the point to tell me she has deleted all social media from her phone as she felt she wasn't focusing on the kids enough. This was an issue last year when I told her that she needs to put them first! She now seems to be trying to compete with me as to the activities I do with the kids, they tell her all the time as to what we do and maybe she's jealous??
Upon talking with her we discussed S13 upcoming birthday, they are with her for his birthday and I won't see him. Xw said she was taking them to dinner and the movies and she asked me if I wanted to come along?? This is the first sign in a long time that her now hardened shell is softening, I know this doesn't mean a thing other than s13 wants me to come. No mind reading, no expectations, just being there for my kids, like always!!
Following Coconut's lead,,,, I created an OLD profile and met a woman close to where I live, we chatted a bit and then met for drinks and conversation. This is the first woman in 26 years other than my XW that I have been out with. Was nervous at first but she made me feel very comfortable and we had a great time. Gave her a nice kiss and hug and left to go home. Woke the next morning with a nice text telling me how much fun she had and wants to go out again soon! Needed to wait a week as I had the kids, went out for dinner and drinks and ended up back at my house.
Don't judge but it has been a long time!!! We had a really good night but the days after my self doubt kicked in and realized I am not ready yet. We talked about this and she says she understands because the year after her dovorce she felt the same way but still wants to see me. I guess I'll see how this goes. The old nice guy me would probably never say anything but I have learned how to express my feelings. I have a lot of work to do on myself but I feel a lot better in that aspect of my life. That's all, have a good day.
