Hoping this can be saved, but having doubts 3

[sandi2]

I have written rather lengthly posts in past times on the friendship the WW claims she wants to keep with her LBH. I believe as in so many things with men & women that they have a different definition or something gets lost in translation.

Many times, the WW will drop the bomb and then hit the H with, "but I hope we will always be friends" without hardly taking a breath. At that particular time, she is "done" and sees herself moving on, but she wants his full cooperation and no trouble. She is "soothing" his feelings by offering her great consolation prize of friendship. Maybe even BFF!

All the time, the poor H's head is spinning and hasn't had a chance to grasp the news with which she just blew him off planet earth. He desperately grabs for any crumbs she throws at him. Friends? His mind is reeling. He thinks by being friends they will be able to work out their issues and reconcile. In time, she will see his improvements and will realize she still loves him. Yes, friends sounds like a good idea to him.

However, that is not her thinking at all. If he agrees to this friendship, she will use it to her advantage in every possible way. Especially if they are living in separated houses. He becomes her handyman, plumber, electrician, errand boy, babysitter, and the best one of all......a gay boyfriend. She can cry on his shoulder when there is a problem between her and OM, and will expect his sympathy! She will expect him to drop every thing at the last minute and put her wishes as top priority 24/7. If he EVER complains or, heaven forbid, tell her "no"........she starts the old dance & song of now she knew she couldn't depend on him. He said he would be her friend and now .....yada, yada, yada. Get the picture?

It is entrapment, guys, I'm telling you! Here's the point. She reduces you from a position that only ONE person can occupy. Her husband. Now she wants you to fill a role that anyone can have. Her friend. Now which role do you see as more valuable? As long as you act like her gay boyfriend (no offense to anyone) she will not see you any differently. It's up to you, if you want to settle for a friend relationship instead of a marriage relationship, that's your business. I only remember one man who was honest enough to admit that he would settle for friendship.......just to be close to her. How sad!

This is the epitome, IMHO, of the WW cake eating. She gets the A/OM as her main course and keeps H on the side as her BFF. Consequences? I would say NO.

Know the difference in being civil and friend-ly when interacting with each other............from being bosom pals. The WW using her H in a BFF relationship while she's doing the OM, is a form of emotional abuse.....IMHO.