Things moving fast. Twists & turns.(hoosjim's 15th

[hoosjim]

Hi all. Has it really been two weeks? Things have not been moving as fast for us as they had been. A big reason has been what I call "fulcrum moments" in the lives of both of our boys.

S18 was trying to decide on a college choice, deadline May 1st, and was super stressed about it... didn't get in to his first and second choices, and the rest were all basically in a "dead heat". Coupled with his uncertainty over "what he wants to do with his life" as well as concern over which place will be best suited for him given his Tourette's Syndrome and other issues, it's been a stressful two weeks... but he finally decided and I think he'll do fine.

More troublesome and time-consuming was S19's previously-discussed academic difficulties. He effectively crashed and burned after a very good first semester. While brilliant, he is plagued by a reading/writing impediment that slows him down ("Processing speed discrepancy" they say, whatever that means) as well as by generalized and specific (OCD) anxieties and ADHD. When everything else is going smoothly, he can manage to get by, as he did first semester, albeit with difficulty and having to devote more time and effort than the average student. When things start to get sideways, however, the whole thing can come unraveled for him... and boy did things get sideways starting late last semester for him. Got arrested for underage possession of alcohol... Normally not that big a deal, but our state has changed that in recent years from being basically a slap on the wrist parking ticket to a class 1 misdemeanor implicating possible jail time. Enter the anxiety monster. "Am I going to jail, am I going to jail?!?!?" (He of course knows deep down that he is not, but the mere possibility plays havoc with his anxieties). This completely preoccupies his mind until we can get to trial and he knows that jail is off the table. Unfortunately, due to a number of just seemingly really bizarre and unfortunate delays, the trial gets moved out three full weeks... during which he gets almost no productive work done. A semester that was headed for mostly "A"s suddenly turns into a 2.99 average (Just barely below a solid "B"). The whole thing starts to come unwound the day after his arrest when the county jail holds him for THE ENTIRE DAY because of some BS anomalous paperwork jive. The kid stews there all day, misses all of his classes, and doesn't get out until he finally calls me (they didn't give him his phone call until late on the day AFTER his arrest) and I raise hell and they release him. At any rate, all of that bleeds over into spring semester... his community service, the alcohol education class, etc., ... with a series of setbacks, snafus, and screw-ups by the official organizations in charge snowballed and made his life and schedule an anxiety-ridden hell. As just ONE example, the alcohol education class he was required to take which was to have taken up a full Saturday but no more than that... failed to meet because the instructor did not show up on the appointed day. After we had driven two hours down to his school to take him there. 25 people assigned to take the class did not get to do so. This should have normally gotten them excused from the class, but somehow the administrator got away with telling my son (the only one for whom this was the last opportunity to take the class before the deadline) that he had to teach the class to himself, take the test, and then certify his completion. This took him the better part of a week due to his slow reading, complicated by his rising anxiety... during classes. There were several other things but... in the end, he just couldn't keep up. Coupled with an overly-ambitious schedule (he scheduled both the toughest physics class and the toughest math class in the program for this semester), he crashed. Only he didn't confide in us how badly... until about two weeks ago. Then there were decisions to be made about possible withdrawal from school for semester, pending deadlines... ARRRRGH. A complete mess.

Needless to say, during this period, W and I did not have a whole lot of time for "us". We managed to save some time to just chill and nest and snuggle and be close here and there, but we did no "work" on the program assigned us by our counselor (who is going to again yell at us when we meet with her tonight.) We talked about a couple little issues that came up, but nothing major. One of the things we actually talked about was the risk of getting too "heroically" involved in saving the kids at the expense of our own MR... W seemed less concerned about this than I did: "The difference is that we're aware of the danger, and that we are working as a team now, and that we are still making SOME time for ourselves."

Some tidbits here and there:

She is just really, really sweet to me right now. Even the little differences in me that used to annoy her... changes I'd made to myself during my 180 and GAL efforts that earlier made her angry "Oh, so NOW you're going to be that way" she now appreciates, and tells me so or, ummm... "demonstrates" her appreciation.

We talk a lot about the future, and what we are going to do once the kids are both gone.

We flirt and joke and tease good naturedly all the time... We are ML and just being intimate more than we ever have. Maybe even since we were dating. She actually has an appointment today to see about BC, which she had NEVER done due to concerns about the Church's (she's catholic) teachings on the subject.

She hasn't brought up staying after work again. We did have drinks with one of her female coworkers last night after work. She still talks about quitting though. Job just has become a drag for her.

We went to senior parents' night at the high school. She was going to meet one of the other moms and I told her I'd meet them there, which I did. Later, next night, actually, she asked me if I had gone because I thought OM might be there. I admitted that that was a consideration for me, not because I didn't trust her--though we are still working on that-- but because I absolutely do not trust him. (He ended up not actually being there, though I saw his son in the hallway as I was going into the school.)

We have talked a couple of times about whether or not it is "weird" or "not weird" how we are all over each other sometimes like a couple of teenagers. My take is that it does seem a little weird because I still have these concerns and doubts and this fairly fresh wound I am carrying around. Hers is that it is not "Weird" per se, but that it is "Weird that it doesn't seem weird to her".

I am growing more comfortable being the initiator in things, which she seems to respond very well to... Leading her places when we are out, making a decision on planning and sticking to it, intiating things physically and in the bedroom.


That's about it. Sorry no crises to report. I'll try to check in more frequently.

Love you guys.