Second wake up call, perhaps the most profound prior to R. She and I were having a R talk, she said something to the likes of she does not see how I could re-enter the MR with no resentment for all that happened. My response was something to the like of, "You know it is a lot to digest, and my feelings about it go up and down at times, I find the best way to look at it as something that is going to make me stronger. Yes I wish it did not happen, it is the hardest thing I've gone through in life, but it is and will make me stronger, and for that I've got to thank you." She looked at me with a raised eyebrow, I continued, "No seriously, thank you, I am much better having endured these tribulations, and while I'm not out of the woods yet, I'm not going to let this experience have anymore negative effects on me. I'm okay with it all, I always thought I would go through this life with you at my side, but I now see that may not happen, and I'm alright with that, I've accepted it." I could see the look of shock on her face.
I don't know that that was a wake up call. It may have made the road back easy for her. I mean, why wouldn't it? But, easy isn't always the best way.
Frankly, I strongly disagree with the H thanking his W for her waywardness! I say this b/c if a bunch of LBH's see this and decide to start thanking their WW for cheating, lying, and tearing the family apart......they are going to be sadly disappointed in the outcome. If anything, it will be a big turn off, which will show up in the bedroom.
You pretty much took all responsibility off her back and put it all squarely on yourself. Why expect her to work when she thinks she's made you a better man?
BTW, the more you repeat some statement to a WW, the less she hears. I wish this was a point every LBH would grasp. Please stop restating things to her!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
