WW in MLC affair and I need advice..

[sandi2]

Yes you have told me that and will work on an opportunity to break the tit for tat. I think this trip will help. I think the last time we were apart for a week was when we were dating 14 years ago. I am curious about the everyother weekend plans. If I remember right, you asked me what my plans were for one of those Saturdays. I agree and remember reading that trying to affect my Ws plans is controlling. However for my sanity, I'd love to have plans on those days to occupy my mind,time, and think about nothing but goodtimes. Is this a fair view to have?

If you make plans on the Saturdays you know she'll have something........will it leave her stuck with the kids? See, this is what causes so much antagonisim. In her mind, she probably sees every other weekend as being "fair". However, it may be the only time she can see OM, or whatever, IDK. WW's don't usually care about fairness.......they care about what's best for them.

My point here is that if it falls on the weekend you know she'll have something planned, then you need to do one of two things. 1) GAL that includes the kids, or 2) be responsible for getting the babysitter. On "your free weekend", the same should apply for her.........and those are the weekends you don't have to take the kids. If you deliberately make GAL plans on her weekend, it appears as if you are trying to sabatosh her plans. Thus, her reason for having the resentment.

When I wrote the response to AS I felt like I should not have left/kept my plans the day my daughter was sick as looking back it might have caused resentment. Since reading his response and yours I think it clarified alot for me and I will explain as I go.

Well, my point about the child being sick at her stomach, was that any mother worth her weight in salt should be able to handle it, without putting it all on the father.......the way she was doing, and has done, with you. You had nursed the child through the night, mopped up the vomit, etc. She appeared to be over it and sleeping peacefully. So, it wasn't as if you left her critically ill in the hands of an incompetent stranger! You are feeling guilty b/c AS asked if you left your sick child........and your W made you feel completely worthless. As a mother, I would not have thought anything bad toward my H leaving, after he had been up most the night with the child. If you had gone to work, it would have been the same thing.......but just b/c you took a break and did something for yourself......you're suppose to feel horrible? Sorry, I don't see anything wrong. Your W needs to act like a parent who can take care of a little girl's sick tummy without daddy being there around the clock. That's one of the issues in the MR, is that you've been the primary parent, while the mother did.......... whatever.

I told my W tonight where I'm going, when I'm leaving and when I'll be back. She asked are you going with Ryan? I said yes and she told me she had some dinner plans with a friend next week that she needed to reschedule and wanted to do it for this Thursday.

Do you see anything noticeable in the quote above? The WW usually wants details about the H's GAL, but she doesn't offer up any of her own. You gave the day, the place, time of departure and time of arrival back home. But the one thing you left out......is the one thing a WW always wants to know. Who is going with you, or who will be there. All you know about her plans is that it's with some "friend". If you had told her a friend was going with you......how do you think she would have responded? It's just her sneaky way of making sure her position is still secure. Even if she is interested in being your W, she doesn't want you becoming interested in anyone else. Ironic, isn't it? It's a little thing called jealousy.

If it helps you to give her the dates and times, I think it's very considerate. I would not offer up extra details, without her digging for them. But then I never dreamed something so simple would give you such a personality or communication complex, either. It kind of defeats the purpose, if you ask me. IDK, guys like you just make me shake my head and wonder what you were like before M.

Tomorrow is my birthday. My W texted me today "anything special you want for birthday meal?" I responded "let me think about it and get back to you" So then when I had a few minutes and was off the tower I had just climbed I texted her back "Are you referring to a meal you will make or purchase?" She responded "this is not a difficult question, I don't care" I thought "who is saying it's a difficult question...I'm not? My answer would depend on what was being offered so I responded "Ruby Tuesdays and the tone of the above text is not appreciated" She responded "it's a text and how you perceive it" I didn't respond and don't like going back and forth with texts when not necessary or worth it. Did I handle this correctly? I was want to make sure in the future if she gets sassy or disrespectful in texts I can put her in her place.

You are making these types of things too complicated, and that aggravates your W. You were not "saying" it was a difficult question. You acted as if it were. You could have just said, "Anything is fine with me"......or else, be precise about what you would like. Maybe it's just me, but it just seems as if you made it more complicated than necessary.
You need to relax about some of this stuff! You're going to have a heart attack.

Happy birthday today!

P.S-Sandi im going to need your help, I bought my bike as a birthday gift to myself as you know. I regret my choice keeping it a secret as my wife has not moved out when she said she was going to and would like to run a scenario by you in an upcoming post (this one is long enough).

Sure!