Hey JujuB,

Yeh, my story isn't anything unique. W dropped BD after 10 years of marriage. No prior discussion with me about what her problems were and what she was feeling. There were maybe some subtle hints, but I'd have to do some mental gymnastics or be a telepath to have figured out what she was thinking. We bought a new house, everything was getting settled and I felt stable for our kids and us, and she blew everything to smithereens. We sold the house, moved into our own places, and she said that this 'separation is permanent' when I temp checked her because I was tired of living in ambiguity. She pulled some cake-eating on me and I allowed it because I was in a panic and I hadn't come to DB yet. It's ten months now and no signs of any change on her part. I highly doubt that will change and we are heading to divorce land. Kids are heavily impacted, and obviously I was devastated and left to pick up the pieces of this.

So, I am by no means a WW/WH/WAS apologist. I have strong remnants of anger that I am processing through a slow burn.

I appreciate your clarification about them being $hitty people rather than bad. Anyways, semantics don't matter here now because your point is well taken and I fully co-sign it and agree with it.

Yeh there were x, y, and z reasons for whatever they did, but I am not wholly sympathetic with it because most of us have x, y, z that we're dealing with and don't allow those reasons to blow $hit up. I guess the point that you're making circles the idea that there were other choices, which they didn't take or seriously consider or actually put all the work in it.

I agree with 25's assessment in Blu's thread that Blu's situation is the best case scenario, and that is not a credit to DBing because Blu has admitted over and over again that she was a crappy DBer for a long time. There has to be a genuine change in the other person and that they value the family enough to work through this stuff and actually build something stronger.

Like many here, I was all game for building something stronger together. I admitted my faults - which were not separation or BD worthy by a long shot - and took active steps to address them, and still doing it. They didn't.

So yeh, they're $hitty people and now we're left to deal with this mess.


No one is coming to save you!