HI OrangeK, I know what you mean about other people in happy marriages saying to move on or get over it. They have no idea. It's almost not worth talking to them. I felt the same way when my husband lied about where he was going in January and it turns out he took his girlfriend on a luxury trip to Dubai and I discovered her Instagram pictures of her with my husband going to a country where we planned to go together to buy furniture for our new house. A lot of my friends' responses were "just divorce him already!" or "he'll be back to you when he's done with her!" or "what a bastard!"
I think few people feel comfortable talking to someone who has been hurt to this degree. It makes them uncomfortable, they don't know what to say, and they just don't understand so they think it's just you overreacting.
Do you have a counselor or therapist? I don't remember but that might be the best person for you right now along with a religious figure. There's a book I read called "Left Alone to Learn" on Amazon that touches slightly upon how you're feeling but even that guy reconciled with his wife and it wasn't nearly as bad as what you're experiencing.
Regarding your physical and stomach problems resulting from this stress, there are definitely a variety of medications your doctor could offer if you want them. I've had so many health problems since my husband left and my stomach has been painful for most of the last eight months although I have a physical condition called erosive gastritis that may be unrelated.
I guess no one can fix this for you and there's not much even you can do to fix what's happening. There are a lot of lessons you're learning about life and what humans are capable of doing to hurt one another. It's not fair. I think you have every right to be angry and feel the way you do. I also feel like there should be something you could document or do to stop allowing this other man unlimited access to your son. I don't know where you live or what the laws are but you should take pictures of those Instagram pictures and record statements from your son and do anything possible to gather evidence to protect your son if needed. Also there must be some authoritative figure in your wife's life who can talk some sense into her, not in terms of returning to you against her will but in terms of parenting advice. Do you know anyone who can call her make it clear that her actions are harmful to your son? This other man could disappear at any time. He's not a stable figure in your son's life. Your son's best interests aren't his priority. Only you can look out for you son in this situation. I'm sure some will argue to not get anyone else involved and maybe there's no one in a position to do so, but I know my daughter's preschool teacher called my husband and said some things to him and it did make a difference.
I hope you can just keep staying alive during this nightmare and get through this court visit and get some clarity.
