Am I Piecing, or Pi$$ing in the wind???

[Clyde]

Accuray,

Thanks for the advice, I agree there is a power struggle going on, one that I helped create.

I know you are unfamiliar with my sitch so i will touch base on exactly what I mean as I have been intending to write about this (in more detail than I have in the past) so that others can learn from my mistakes.

From the moment of BD I made all the wrong mistakes, pursued, pleaded etc, etc... I even made the declaration that my w would always be welcomed back - that I would continue to set a place mat at the table for her. I reminded her of this often until I finally started to grasp DB'ing, and even at that point I did not retract the statement. This no doubt was very empowering for the w.

First wake up call for the w during our separation - I reclaimed the master bedroom, cleaned, rearranged it, got some house plants in it, took her space in the closet to store my guitars, took pictures of her down (left the pics in the rest of the house for the kiddos sake). It did not take long for her to notice... one of the days when she was dropping the kids off she must of seen it walking down the hall from one of their rooms, I walked into the master bedroom and my w was sitting in on the edge of the bed just looking around the room, she looked lost and sad, I definitely think it was a reality blow.

Second wake up call, perhaps the most profound prior to R. She and I were having a R talk, she said something to the likes of she does not see how I could re-enter the MR with no resentment for all that happened. My response was something to the like of, "You know it is a lot to digest, and my feelings about it go up and down at times, I find the best way to look at it as something that is going to make me stronger. Yes I wish it did not happen, it is the hardest thing I've gone through in life, but it is and will make me stronger, and for that I've got to thank you." She looked at me with a raised eyebrow, I continued, "No seriously, thank you, I am much better having endured these tribulations, and while I'm not out of the woods yet, I'm not going to let this experience have anymore negative effects on me. I'm okay with it all, I always thought I would go through this life with you at my side, but I now see that may not happen, and I'm alright with that, I've accepted it." I could see the look of shock on her face.

Those to instances happened within the 3 weeks prior to reconcile.

Post reconcile (I journaled about this in a previous thread, but will recap as it seems fitting) the w threatened the r, saying that if did not stop talking about an issue (that should of had no bearing on the vitality of the r), that "I was going to ruin a good thing". I told her that I was not only ok ending the r, but would prefer it at this point, and this time there would be no place mat at the table for her. This hit her, she cried for the first time since BD, she was not herself. I engaged in several more pointless arguments/convos at that time which likely diluted what I said (thanks V, and others for helping me see this), but she did take notice I feel.

I almost restated it the other night in a firmer stance than which I did (when I told her "I want no part of a m where that goes on.") But I am trying to be careful not to constantly bring it up everytime a boundary gets crossed, I already stated it, don't want the words to be hollow.

After the argument about the Teddy parties and the night of amazing sex, I tried to initiate sex a few nights later, she shut it down rather cold. I've since not approached her for sex since and things have been rather cold around here. We have not been cuddling on the couch, no spooning at night, perhaps because I'm the one to always initiate those things...no foot massages,no flowers, I don't know if this is the right course for me to take, but right now I am not feeling it. Convo's are minimal, otherwise my demeanor around the house has been normal. Its been about 2 weeks of this.