25, most of us on here are or were in relationships in which we looked to our lying, cheating spouses for validation that they were not in fact lying or cheating. Of course we were. We didnt want to hear anything else so we grabbed on to that.
Coming here was an easy transition once they left, cause again we were being told what we wanted to hear. That theres a chance they will come back. That we can improve that chance if only we change and make some 180s. Hope as long as we are capable of turning ourselves into lighthouses.
There were posters here that straight out told me to just let go. That he wasn't worth it and others that left me feeling like I needed to hang on and fight for a marriage my ex had already pulled the plug on.
The theory was that I was not to give up on marriage just because he left and was sketchy, not paying child support etc.. because then i would be doing the same as him. That his reasons for initially leaving, (me not doing his laundry, not being ambitious enough, getting mad when he didnt pick our son up fron preschool at 12 in the afternoon cause i was at work and he slept through alarm clocks consistently) hurt his poor little feelings just as much as his leaving and gaslighting had hurt mine.
That i could not argue against his lack of committment if i myself was to break committment based on his action of leaving. If that makes any sense. (I'm writing from a cell phone)
But here's the thing. I clung to those arguments for a reason. Sure, i debated back that I was not an innanimate object. That he once threw a paperback book at my stomach when i was pregnant cause i was nagging him too much about saving money instead of going to expensive football games.
But i still clung. And im annoyed that I clung for as long as i did.
My ex is an empty, addict, narcissist. But like yours had a high IQ and dressed well and was quietish so i never believed it was possible. But like yours is, they are simply bad people.
Sometimes I think we just need to hear that instead.... they are bad people.
