Jim, glad to hear you are doing well and that's great that y'all are working things out without the lawyers, it takes a lot of the sting out of it.
Quote:
"I should have either communicated our financial situation better or worked more so you would feel financially safe and secure,"
OK well that is not validation. That is basically agreeing with what she said, and I agree with Artista, you should NOT have done that because SHE was really the one at fault for draining the account to buy something for herself. Validation would go more like this:
"You should have worked more to pay for the college fund!"
"You sound frustrated, is that how you feel?"
"Yes!"
"Why do you think that frustrates you?"
"I guess because I don't know what's going to happen, if we'll be able to pay for it now."
"I can tell you are frustrated, I am sorry you feel that way. Even though we are divorcing we are still a team when it comes to the kids and we will work this through."
The difference is validation is NOT agreeing, it's simply seeking to understand her feelings and validating her FEELINGS, not the original comment.
Well, I obviously have more work to do in this area. Every time I think I'm validating, you let me know I still don't quite get it. Or maybe you let me know I'm still waaaaaay off. Either way, I appreciate you trying to keep me on the straight and narrow, and I'll keep trying to improve.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
