Quote: You do understand why she's angry don't you? I mean she has every right to be!
I do to a point. I told her after her response my plans could be flexible and she didn't care. She wanted to go to an event but never mentioned it to me and that is suppose to be ok but I'm supposed to continue telling her all of my plans like I always did before BD? I'm confused because I read Sandi's rules often and listen to advice Sandi gives me. I can see how I should not be doing something that would increase resentment. Any past resentment can't be from these actions because I never acted this way before but as you pointed out I can see how new resentment could be created.
The statement in bold caused me to go back and read every post I wrote on your thread. I don't think I gave you any advice to give you the idea to intentionally cause more resentment in the MR. In fact, you were the one wanting to keep some activity a secret and I told you not to do it. I explained that you did not have to give precise details about GAL.......but interact as if she was the elderly lady living there for room & board. Politely communicate what she needs to know about your GAL. You don't have to be rude about it.
It's been my experience to see H's with NGS really struggle to find balance in his quest to appear more self confident, in charge, standing up to his W, etc. From what I could tell in your recent posts, this is true for you. You have difficulty with your "delivery" about GAL. Perhaps it is b/c you are trying not to tell her much. IDK the tone of voice you use, but in reading what you've said.......it could come across as a bit rude to her. I've also told you when a couple falls into a tit-for-tat situation there is no win-win solution. The resentment only gets worse. Someone has to break that "pay-back" theme. Know what I mean? You have resented her going out every other Sarurday, so when you do inform her of your plans......I suspect some attitude might be showing through. I also suspect, and have cautioned you about you planning GAL in order to prevent her from going out. That is controlling behavior, and it is not helping the situation. If both of you happen to have plans at the same time, then a babysitter is required.
What you don't want to do is swing too far out in one direction, decide it's not working and swing way out the other direction. Find the middle.
Quote:
Would it be weak or wrong to tell my wife "Due to the current situation I have struggled at times and this has caused some of my actions and decisions recently to not be genuine"?
Yes, it would sound like an excuse to her. And, saying this right after telling her about your trip........sounds as if you are trying to butter her up. She hasn't responded, except to ask if the trip would be all week, right? So, you see how this would look to say the above quote now.
This is an example of what I mean by you swinging from one extreme to the other. You read some post of mine and think you have to be rude to be tough. I have never told you to be rude to your W. I've not suggested you act like an a$$, have I? Then you read Another Stander's posts, and you think he is telling you the opposite of what I've said, so you go swinging to what feels more comfortable to you.........which is soft, nice-guy ways. That wasn't what Another Stander was suggesting. At least, I didn't read it that way.
Find balance, Natash.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
