Can I really do this?

[Dtrmned]

Again Thanks Sandi2.
Yes. I do that a lot. I have enabled, cared for, catered to, and unfortunately had my kids do the same thing for my wife. Actually came up in our discussion that We (kids and I) were going to stop feeling guilty that she can't go and begin making plans. W is always welcome to go, but we are all going to GAL. I was wrong with my daughter and I will talk with her about that (a little, I don't want to dwell, but do need to validate that she was correct in her feelings and thoughts and it was wrong of me to exert pressure in this way).

The 180, detaching and going dark are all VERY difficult. I am realizing more and more that my identity over the last decade (since the first major health issue) has almost centered around her care. I still work a lot, but my social network (outside of work) has dropped to almost nothing. So it is now in my nature to do these things without thought. I have to now work diligently and think before I do or say anything. I am fully aware of my responsibility in this. I believe this is part of the reason my W has lost all respect for me as a man and husband (not a pity party at all, just looking at it from the research and comments I am getting here, etc.) I can see how everything played out and the problems that we allowed to happen without intervening because we didn't have the right tools. I am unsure if the MR can be saved. I am certain that I can be and I can be sure my kids are ok as well.