Thanks guys for the replies. Wife filed restraining order on me, dissolved it at hearing - thanks to me getting a lawyer and the judge asking her to dissolve it. That's set a precedent for her living in the marital home with the kids and me just taking the kids when she would like me to.
Last month or so I've been NC and GAL and I've noticed she actually tried to talk to me a couple of times when I was calling the kids. Strange, because of her tone seemed like she wanted to reconcile, but in retrospect - she realized she doesn't want to be a single mother with 3 kids.
This has led to her actually agreeing to splitting the kids tie with us equally, which I've been working towards the entire time since she dropped the bomb mid March.
I'm not sure how this is going to work. I know she wants more time for herself and I find myself struggling a bit to prepare for this change. I know it's best for the kids, but the last month and a half alone has really allowed me to heal from my wife's decision to divorce and let me start GAL.
I'm not sure what I want now, other than to ensure my kids are good to go.
I have some goals but they're more along the lines of NC, GAL, and being the spouse only a fool would leave.
I do struggle with the knowledge that the quick turnover in our marriage was due to another man or the possibility of another man. I'm struggling a bit with that, whether I want to know or I don't want to know. Mainly because I feel like it will help clarify my goals to push this divorce along.
I'm in a good spot. I know life is waiting for me past divorce. I'm just trying to be as deliberate and true to my heart as possible as I get there.
I'm not quite healed, not quite myself, but I'm getting closer. I feel like when I get there, I can face my wife's contempt without letting it affect me. That's the day I long for, because it's been a long hard couple of years living without a kiss, an affectionate touch, or her looking into my eyes lovingly.
