You should change your name haha. But everytime I see you, I think of L as in Bluwave's signature - Last night I took an L, but tonight I bounce back. You have bounced back and I am glad to have been there to witness and be a small part of your journey.
I think all my grief got bundled up with the small incident with my kids and I felt like a failure and trying to hold it all together. It felt like I was building a dam, but it broke last night and it all came pouring out.
I've always held my emotions and pain in since I was a child. Lots of childhood trauma that hardwired me to that, and it's really hard for me to turn that around. So, I know that I had my emotions put away and I thought I had dealt with my grief, but I don't think I did.
So, that grief came out last night and today at work where I just broke down. I've not lost my composure in front of someone in a very long time and today I just couldn't keep it in and push it down. I think it was really good it came out. I feel more clear now and determined. I know it's going to be up and down and by no means this is the end of all the grief, but I have to figure out ways to let my emotions out. I don't deliberately suppress them, but that's what happens and I don't know how to change that up. I will have to talk to my IC about it.
I am feeling more positive and grounded now after going through a hell night and morning.
