Life is going fantastically well. Better than I ever imaged a couple of years ago.
I've been working hard on exploring and finding gratitude, and on positive visualisation. Still more to do, but it's been paying off.
I've never been particularly jealous or suspicious. I like that about myself, and hated the idea that that could change because of what happened. So I've worked hard on that too. Finding gratitude and positive visualisation has helped with that.
The wonderful man I'm with has never given me the tiniest inkling that he is not who he says he is. He is utterly true and consistent, very straight down the line. It's one of the things about him I really appreciate.
He's also very into the hear and now. He very much enjoys the present, he's happy to talk about the future, a little less so the past and the baggage we might carry.
He's had longer to work on things after his XW had an A (with her boss) and they split up, and then D (that was about 7 or 8 years ago.
Her A continued for a few years after that, maybe 4 or 5? I think the end of the A was not her choice.
Anyway, the wonderful man I'm with and his XW have two adult children (21 and 18). He's very attached to both of them and has been and is an amazing dad. They are lovely people and a reflection of how he has behaved during this whole process.
So, to the point of the matter.
This is how our life is panning out at the moment. We live about 2 hours drive from each other. He works regular hours during the week in another city, which is basically the other point of a triangle between us.
I'm freelance/self employed in a much bigger city, so I sometimes work Friday and Saturday nights. He comes to visit me after work on Friday as he finishes very early, and comes to stay for the weekend. He goes straight to work on Monday morning from my house.
Sometimes I go and stay with him at the weekend if I'm not working, but if he's come to me at the weekend a lot, I like going to stay with him during the week as well for a couple of days every few weeks. I can take work to do with me at his house and he lives pretty much in the country, so we can do stuff like go for nice walks.
This seems to work quite well.
For the past month or two, on Monday nights, after work, he's been going rock climbing, and then pops round to see his D, who is at his XW's house. It's pretty much the only time he sees his D. They walk the dog together and then she (the D) likes to cook them all dinner.
His children occasionally come to stay at his house too, but not so much now they're older. They used to go and stay with him every second weekend.
He always calls me a lot. On Mondays he's been calling me after work, on the way to rock climbing, and then to say goodnight.
Not long after we first met and started going out, he was using a note I'd written him as a bookmark, and his XW found it when he was there visiting his kids. It had slipped out the book he was reading and onto the floor. He found her looking at it intently and turning it over. I guess that was the first she knew of us.
Over the past six months or so, she's done a few things which to my mind might feel a little manipulative. The past couple of times have involved their children. They all came to stay at my house one night, and he said that she'd had a bit of an outburst about how dangerous the city was where I lived and how they'd be treated here.
Then a couple of weeks ago she said that she was really worried about their S (21 and sitting his exams). She said she thought he was depressed and in urgent need of help. A quick phone call to his son and he realised that he was just working hard at his exams and completely taken up by studying.
Today she came out with she knew that D was worried about the house and said that she might need him to stay over.
We've talked quite a lot previously about his XW's A, her behaviour during their D, and how entitled, manipulative and controlling she was being. You know how it goes with the WS. Anyway, he's pretty clear on spotting it and dealing with it (by not reacting). His main concern is his kids and his relationship with them.
He says that it's strange when he goes round there and sees his XW. It's like being with a stranger and that he doesn't really know who she is. He says that it's weird to think they were M for so long, and shared so much together (children). He says that she probably looks better than she ever did, but that he just doesn't like her personality one little bit. He says that he's really glad he has even less to do with her now the kids have grown up and doesn't really want to have anything to do with her. I'm pretty sure I know what he's talking about, as that's the way I consider my XH. Except don't need to have anything to do with my XH, so I just think of him as dead.
Now, in a previous life, I might have felt insecure with all this going on from her. Is she being manipulative? Is that me reading into it all? Does it even matter? What's more important is his reaction, surely? And mine?
Now, I'm feeling just very detached from it all. And also, that if he gets manipulated by it all, then he's not as strong as I think he is. I don't think he's someone that could be manipulated. He's the kind of person who knows his own mind and wouldn't be happy doing anything that went against it.
So my reaction at the moment, is just to enjoy our R together and the things we're discovering. We've been together a year and four months, and both of us are starting to feel this is something really important. I think we both felt it instinctively really quickly after we met, it's just nice to take your time and enjoy things as they unfold.
Sorry this is so jumbled up. I'm also trying to get this straight in my own head.
