My mind is going a million miles a minute right now and I don't know how to stop it. If she wears that dress out to the bars or with someone else, I would take it personally and classify it as a low blow. There is also a chance she wears it to our sons game tomorrow. If so, what does that mean? Or does it mean that she simply likes the dress. Then I suppose she could be letting someone else borrow it, but it is pretty tiny, not to many people would fit in it. I don't know. I guess I wait until tomorrow.
You're spinning out of control. Just settle down, it's just a dress. You don't know why she picked it up or what for, quit letting your imagination fill in the blanks.
Quote:
I asked her about the two guys in our past and if she had been in contact with them. I know that wasn't the best thing to do.
You're separated with D on the way, you need to get used to the idea that these things are beyond your control now. Quit asking. All it's doing is driving you crazy and making her think you're stalking her.
Quote:
When I got home I text her asking if she had any feelings for one of them. Her response was please stop. I could be overreacting but to me that says yes.
It doesn't say "yes", it says "you are acting crazy and she wants you to stop". Read DR, please.
Quote:
But not Facebook. I just made a Facebook. I figure I never had it before and maybe getting in touch with some people from the long lost past could help. But the wife has recently got Facebook too and I feel like it will just cause drama. Thoughts?
Yes you are right it will cause drama. So don't do it. It's perfectly fine to reach out to friends and family, but you don't need FB to do that. Wait a few months and if you still want to create an account do it then.
Quote:
Additionally, I spoke to my wife again today. She knows that I am trying to accept a new norm and give space.
Oh boy. You've really got to try and REALLY give her space. That means no more talking to her. If she contacts you and asks a question then go ahead and reply, but no more initiating contact.
Quote:
And then she came over to the house to "pack" Packed 2 small boxes in 3 hours and it was hell on me.
Then set a boundary. Tell her if she's going to come over and get stuff she needs to give you a day notice. Then don't be there when she comes. Or if you just don't want her going through stuff then pack her stuff up yourself and make arrangements for her to pick it up. My ex did what I called back then "a slow bleed", she would come by every few days and pick up some stuff. I never knew when she was going to just pop in and do that. So finally I told her to set a date to have it all out and make a list of the big stuff she planned on taking so I could look it over beforehand. She did honor that, and it went smoothly. And after that her visits were strictly picking up/ dropping off the kids.
Originally Posted By: Revik
Today hasn't been that good. I took my kids to the parade in town. The walked in it for little league. I ran into people I know. What am I supposed to say when they ask how I'm doing. Lie to them? I just told them I'm not good right now and walked away. I don't think i'm ready for that kind of thing yet.
If they don't know about the S/ D then don't bring it up. If they do know and ask, just tell them you are using the time to work on yourself and strengthen your bond with the kids. Do NOT tell them you are sad, miserable, crying into your pillow, etc. Because ANYTHING you tell them will go right back to your W. She is not going to be attracted back to a sad, pathetic, desperate H. But a strong, independent H might eventually get her attention.
Quote:
The wife came over to pack her things. I probably should have just left. Instead I talked to her.
Just..... stop...... this!
Quote:
I know I most likely pushed her away.
Yeah it really does.
Quote:
After she left, I drove to work, picked them up, went to her work, signed them and gave them to her. I was pretty hot. I spun my tires leaving. Probably shouldn't have.
Next time before you do something rash like that come here and post FIRST. We are here to talk you away from the ledge. You never should have done that in anger.
Quote:
I'm trying to detach. I know I'm not doing it right, it is much easier said than done.
You're not doing it at all. All the constant talking to her and R talks and temp checks and finding every opportunity you can to get in front of her, that is all the complete opposite of detachment. You are 100% fully attached to her and you will never grow until you change that. She will also never learn to miss you as long as you are a constant presence.
You've been doing all of the above despite DB/ DR and despite the advice you've gotten here, and not only has it not worked but I think you can see it's caused even more harm to your sitch. So think about that. It's time for a change- embrace DB'ing.
