[Orange....V is really spot on and has helped me a ton with putting things for me into perspective.
This is so accurate even in my sitch:
You are expecting, mothers day, fathers day, Xmas day, birthdays, anniversaries, any other celebratory day will create change, a sudden realisation of what an awful person she has been and how she needs to repair and atone. I think in your heart you know that a cold fish who behaves this way won't do that, it's just hope over experience. Trust your experience with cold fish expect nothing from her. This type of abuser isn't sentimental, other than if it suits them.
^^^^^^^^^ This!
O when my W first hit me it took me about 1.5 months before I felt like I could function again. I felt the same feelings you describe after about 3 months I could breathe again and at about 6 months could start to put together some decent days.
I started following what Sandi laid out about 1 month after BD....I followed to a T, there was not much deviation. Truthfully you are probably in the eye of the storm, the worst of it. I couldn't mow the yard without crying. Just know it does get better. I found this board, started seeing an IC, started attending church, doubled up on my Dad duties and did everything I could to have minimal contact and interaction with her. It just takes time.
