Advice on my scenario Pt. 3

[OrangeK]

The cold, abrupt discard is so freakin traumatizing.

I know my chances of R are next to Zero.
I cant hope or plan on R. I am not. But that doesnt stop the wishing, the what if's and the If i had's.

Ill be honest. DB'ing is helping me manage how i will deal with her, but it doesnt seem to be helping my feelings, or making them go away.

I love her.
I miss her.
I probably always will.
Even though it was false, she was the love of my life.
I cant grasp that the woman i love never existed.

Ill be honest: Right now, in this moment, id rather have her back and manage her abuse than be alone, and watch my son suffer from missing her, and missing us all together.

She got me good.