Thank you for the honesty and openness it really helps us understand.
The pain of breaking a trauma bond like this is terrible, and part of the process. You have a wonderful little one in your life to heal for.
Of course it is awful, it is going to be awful. But you will get through it because you are being honest and open. I will not tell you that it is easy, your sitch is one of the toughest there is.
How you feel is absolutely completely normal. There is nothing wrong with it, as I said to Joseph, I would be much more concerned if you were denying. And there are board members here who are in that phase. What has happened the triangulation, false accusations and court, then you know.
That won't make it easy for you, and it's confusing and bewildering as well. That is how it is in these sitches. I asked you to read Joseph's thread so you can read that there are board members who come out the other side. I am one of those.
The cycle is called the Kubler Ross cycle and whilst you are in survival crisis mode it is like being in suspension with nothing to push against. It is uncertain.
It is important that you know it is absolutely completely normal to feel this way, and that it would be worrying if it wasn't. It would deeply concern me if you didn't have the washing machine mind. The daily struggles with your stability and feelings absolutely completely normal too.
You are expecting, mothers day, fathers day, Xmas day, birthdays, anniversaries, any other celebratory day will create change, a sudden realisation of what an awful person she has been and how she needs to repair and atone. I think in your heart you know that a cold fish who behaves this way won't do that, it's just hope over experience. Trust your experience with cold fish expect nothing from her. This type of abuser isn't sentimental, other than if it suits them.
If you are expecting remorse please put those thoughts firmly from your mind.
Let's see Thursday gone and then loop.
Stay strong.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
