Since Monday night when I committed the cardinal sin of ending the conversation where she said she doesn't feel the same way about me and she can't change how she feels, with "good night, I love you" she's been very standoff-ish. She's barely texted, even about the kids. She usually shares something about their day, but today I haven't seen or heard from them since church.
This is typical WAS behavior. They'll pull you in and then push you out and repeat. Just keep maintaining minimal contact and quit trying to examine every little thing she does to try and find meaning in it.
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It starts to make me doubt the detach/GAL is right in this scenario because she deals with depression.
Detaching and GAL'ing is ALWAYS right. You can't fix her, and she doesn't want your help anyway. Focus on you and the kids.
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She's very good at grinning and bearing it. She did this for years making it seem like things were good. Most of last spring was this behavior from her. Apparently she wasn't happy, but she'd always put a smile on her face when she came home from work and pretend things were ok. What am I supposed to think when you hide your feelings from me?
Part of the idea of detaching and GAL'ing is so the WAS can start to realize that whatever they are feeling- depression or sadness or whatever, is not because of the LBS. They go into blame mode where they blame the LBS and decide the "fix" is to get rid of the LBS so they can finally find true happiness. The more you try to intervene and make contact and ask them out and talk about the R then the more convinced they are that it really is your fault. But when you remove yourself from the equation and they're still not happy, then they start to confront the REAL cause of their unhappiness (which is usually something within).
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Another thing that happened this week with D6 and her doctor appointment. I took her Wednesday. She was having a bad day and spent half the car ride crying (unrelated to the doctor appointment but rather because she left some clay there and we were too far gone to turn back and get it.) I was texting WAW about this on our drive home and even sent her a picture of D6 crying (along with some pictures from the dr appt). Turns out she posted all of that on FB and made it out like D6 hated going to all the doctor appointments and that God hates her because she's sick. This was all made up but it got WAW the sympathy she so desires from random people online.
First, why in the world are you texting your W at all, much less texting her pics of D crying? Second, quit looking at your W's FB page if you want some peace of mind.
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I'm at a loss of what to do. Do I reach out or just leave her be?
Have you read DR? Leave her alone. Get out. GAL. Give her time and space. Quit second-guessing DB'ing, it's counter-intuitive because human nature is to pursue, but human nature is WRONG when it comes to a WAS.
