Wow MTB, this is a real page-turner, LOL! First I'm sorry you're going through this, it must make you feel a little crazy yourself sometimes. Second, congrats on how you are handling everything, you are doing an excellent job of being a rock in all this madness. I just caught up on the last few pages and honestly don't see a single thing you did wrong, so well done!
Regarding the suicide threat, I wouldn't be surprised if she played that card again. And even more concerning, she might actually try it if she feels like she's not getting the reaction she wants. If she says it to you then take it seriously. One of the guys here had a crazy W who called him and ranted and raved and said she was going to kill herself, then I think she headed to his house. He called 911, told them where she was going and what her car looked like and they arrested her while he and the kids looked on and put her on suicide watch in the hospital. That is EXACTLY how such a situation should be handled, so if she goes there with you then seriously consider calling 911.
