WW in MLC affair and I need advice..

[Natash]

Quick update and venting, I'm struggling with W and the GAL plans. My W has made random comments about how I just leave without saying anything and goes on complaining about it. I thought about it and she has always told me ahead of time about her plans (even though they are vague and not 100 percent true). I know we have a communication issue so I thought maybe I should show some validation to her point and let her know my plans from time to time. Last weekend I got up early on Sunday morning and asked if she had plans as I walked by her still in bed. She said only to get groceries. So I responded "I'm going skiing for half the day." I met up with a long time friend I used to ski with years ago and have not seen for years. We went skiing and had a great time, I hadn't been on skiis in years but was still able to ski White Nitro.. the steepest double black diamond in the east. It felt great! When I got back, WW had several questions about skiing. I casually answered with short simple answers.

This week had been decent and until I slipped up. I got out of work on time and went to the gym. When I got home, the WW snapped at me "you work late?" I said yeah and then asked how D7 was doing. WW then snapped again "you work late?" I had my D on my mind and said yeah and then I went to the gym. She acted irritated. Fast forward to today. Today was the day I thought she would be moving out. I had plans to go buy a new golf driver,go to the driving range, go golfing, and then hang out at a friends. In the morning I ran errands in town like I now often do on the weekend( I don't tell ww my plans but if the girls ask where I'm going, I name one of the places for them). So lunch time rolls around and WW says " do you have plans today?" I said yeah I'm going golfing why? She got all pissed off and said " never mind!" And walked away as I asked her the why part. I went back inside and said. " Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you, especially when I'm answering a question you asked me" So she said well I wanted to go to fair for a little bit. I said well go, I can make my plans flexible. I realize know I shouldn't have said this. She said "no, nevermind. I won't have much time there now. I'm the built in babysitter! You go every Saturday morning wherever and never say a thing. I said "I'm a grown man and don't have to answer to anyone. If I want to go in town to run errands I can and I do tell the girls where I'm going" She continues" You go to the gym after work and have free reign...I pick the kids up after work and i'm stuck with the kids all the time". I said " it doesn't have to be that way, if you have plans you could always get a babysitter." She said "oh ok, that's how it's going to be...ok! Then she said something again about how I left when D7 was puking and had diaherra and I never called home and was gone all day! World's greatest dad right there!" I calmly said " I had plans that day but at least I came home. I was home before bed time " she said " I've never left and not called home". I said "bullshit, you left one day to watch a friends boy for a few hours...and didn't come home until the next day. Another time you told your family you were going out to eat.. and never came home that night" she said "whatever" and shutup and I walked away. Now this is the part that agrevates me because I'm kicking myself now for the way I handled it. My buddy had to work and bail on our plans at the last hour, so I told my daughters I'd go to the driving range and then when I get back take them to mini golf. Around this tine knowing my plans are shot, my wife went and made plans to go out (without me knowing. I should have left earlier on my own. It's the every other weekend weekend so I'm assuming OM is involved). The girls come to me and say "let's go dad!"I said " I'll be back later. And they said Well mom's leaving to go out to eat with friends so we are coming with you" I walked back inside and W is on her way out. I said to the W "so is this where I should pitch a hissy fit, I'll be with the girls while you go out?" She said nothing.

I had a great afternoon with my girls. I bought them their first set of golf clubs and took them to the driving range. The gentlemen their game them their own pink cancer awareness ball. After hitting a bucket of balls, we went out to eat at a restaurant that over looks the river and enjoyed the awesome weather (best day weather wise this year).

Now we get to the tough part. The girls know mom left at 4 to go eat. They call her around 7:30 to ask when she is coming home.She told them in a little bit, she was just starting to eat. So I let them stay up later watching TV so they could see Mom when she gets home. At 8:45 I tell them ok, we have to go to bed. D7 start s to cry and says" Mom's not home, when will she be here. She keeps saying in a little bit. Can I call mom to say goodnight?" I said yes. They got her voicemail so they called my MIl. Almost instantly the W calls back and talks with both of the girls who are in tears saying "when will you be home". She told them she would be home before they woke up in the morning. As I'm tucking the girls in the WW calls and tries to give me an earful about how I let the girls stay up extra late and overtired and it made them feel this way and call her crying. Again mentions that I've left for a whole day. I was just listening, saying very little but did tell her ,"the girls are sad because they want to know when you'll be home. I don't make them feel this way, it's how they feel and when I leave, I'm home for bed time" She responded " oh ok, make me out to be the bad parent" I said Ok and hung up. Now I'm second guessing wether I should have answered her call to my cell and say what I did or if it would have been better off letting it go to voicemail.

I'm no longer affraid to rock the boat but am looking for some insight in how to handle these flare-ups in the future. What I did or said that was good? What I said or did that could have been handled differently?

A big hurdle for me right now is I've been invited to go on a once in a lifetime 110 mile 6 day canoe trip next weekend. I haven't mentioned it to my W because if she did move out this weekend, I decided as much as I want and need to go to get a break and enjoy friends I decided i wanted to be the Rock for my girls. If she moved out and then dad was gone for a week (I've never left them more than a couple days) my D7 anxiety would have kicked in and caused her to be deeply sad and confused. I will be there for them whenever possible. Since W hasn't moved, I'm going to go. Do I tell her now? Tell her last minute? Ask her if she's all set for the week? I want to come off strong and to the point as I'm getting tired of her game.