I'm missing her loving side. I'm missing her coming up and giving me a hug or showing concern or caring about how I feel. I'm missing the closeness. I know these are selfish things
I don't think it's selfish. You miss her showing you affection. That's understandable.
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Great question, and perhaps you can help me formulate a better response. I usually say something like "I don't have an attitude. I'm just not your butler."
Well, I doubt I could top that response! I tend to get too sarcastic.
She is going to push back really hard, b/c you have had a big hand in spoiling her. It's always harder to take a spoiled bratt and retrain them. But, it can be done!
I think she will pull the guilt card every time you come back at her with a response that puts her in her place. She'll try to threaten, like she did about the airport. She will come up with new stuff. She'll twist it around to make it sound like you are the one having a mood/attitude........not being "nice enough to cater to her", etc. These are all actions of a spoiled bratt. If you give in, you will lose the ground you gain. Just keep your eyes forward, knowing how she's going to respect you some day. When she stops having this spoiled attitude, I bet the loving attitude returns pretty quickly.
When she says something about your attitude, say something like:
"I'm not the one who expects my spouse to wait on me hand & foot".
"I don't have an attitude. I'm just tired of you expecting me to hop when you say frog".
"Am I nice enough to bring you (fill in the blank)? Yes, I am. Will I do it? No, I won't".
(chuckle) "Live with it, Princess".
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She said something like I never said you were my butler. I said you say it with your actions and constant requests. Then she went into the familiar speech about how we were talking and talking and not solving a problem. I really think I only said those two sentences and the convo was not long. But clearly I still need to improve and give shorter, firmer one-liners and walk away.
I think it may have been b/c you tried to "explain". Let her figure it out.
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She reminded me of something, though, that really tells me how badly I need to make a drastic change. She has always said I have no power over my dog. I need to stand up to him and not talk to him like he's a human. Today, her exact words were "Have some authority in your life. Are you going to let everyone run you over all the time, especially a dog?" This tells you, clear as day, how she views me. Worse thing is, she isn't wrong. The reason my dog probably refuses to stay with me and desperately needs to be with her is because he knows she's the alpha in this house. My eyes are WIDE open.
Remember it. B/c one day soon, you will have to remind her that you are taking some authority in your life.
She wants space? Next time you are GAL and she's blowing up the phone, tell her, "Enjoy your space".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
