Advice on my scenario pt. 2

[OrangeK]

It's unfathomable to me how a mother can do that with a toddler. Normally children are very attached to their mothers at this age and vice versa. I can't imagine spending even one night without my four year old daughter. I doubt it will ever happen. That's so unfair for you to become a single dad while your wife is out living with her boyfriend enjoying her life. This shouldn't be legal. It's so, so terrible.

Thank you. I agree. Her decision to leave and rip his home life apart was made quite abruptly. It began to effect his behavior almost immediately, and is still having adverse effects.
I explained to her while we were still talking that she clearly put her own desires (not needs) before the emotional and developmental needs of her son. In fact i told her she clearly didn't even consider him or what effect it would have on him when she made her decisions.
The same can be said for the fact that she introduced him to OM from Day One and has maintained that. Going as far as to co-sleep with my son in OM's bed. Which i just got documentation from D court that she is denying both my claims of "inappropriate cohabitation and confusion of parental roles"
She flat out denied it even happened, and i have proof.
How the "compassionate and thoughtful" woman i fell in love what has changed to these behaviors when she claims our son "is her world" blows my mind. Her mother did similar things when W was young though, so i cant say im 100% surprised.
MIL and FIL got divorced when W was 4 and from what ive heard it was a fairly nasty divorce. MIL is on Husband #3 and FIL has been D twice, the 2nd D for him was also REALLY nasty, like REALLY bad.
W was like 18 or 19 when this one occurred.

As you can see on my thread, my husband did something like this two years ago but he came back depressed, saying he'd kill himself, etc.. I was so happy he came back and he made many promises that we'd fix everything but we never did and he's gone again.

Do you think you let things go back together too easily and didn't set boundaries? I have a fear of this happening to me.

I guess your wife will have to hit rock bottom before she considers changing or coming back. This will probably happen when her affair ends and there's no other man lined up for her. Hopefully that'll happen soon so at least some progress can be made.

Its sad to say but i am hoping and waiting for this to happen.
The only thing is that i feel she would set up another guy before leaving OM, she may tryy to make that guy me, but i dont see her leaving OM without something else to fall back on. She doesnt do well alone. AT ALL.
The only way it would really hit hard is if OM left her for some reason, and based on what i know about OM i DOUBT that will happen.
W is easily the most beautiful woman hes ever set eyes on, let alone been with. He is a big downgrade from me, and im only saying that because its a fact, no spite from me there.
I can only imagine she has him THOROUGHLY wrapped around her finger and he will likely stay that way until she is the one to get bored and unhappy like she did with me. Rinse and repeat.
She needs to hit bottom and do some SERIOUS souls searching to break this cycle.
I think it would take a larger loss to prompt this. A death in the family, or losing her job unexpectedly or something.
Who knows....

It'd be great if your wife could soon want to fix her life and return and for now you seem to be stuck waiting for her to change, but somehow this will be temporary and hopefully either you'll reunite with your wife or you'll find someone new and still create the loving family that you and your son need.

Im moving on, for myself. If she wants to fix things, (which i honestly doubt) she will have to catch up to me and do the work. She left, she has to come back. Im not chasing her EVER again. I do love her, and miss her greatly, but i feel like what i miss was an illusion, not reality.
Ill always be open to talk, but its high time i love myself first for once.

Thank you for your support!