No affair(?), no feelings...is there hope? Part II

[sandi2]

Today was a day of mixed feelings for me. Emotionally, I struggled. I could tell she was texting OM most of the day. I would say the most accurate description is to say I felt discouraged.

Was she home all day, or how did you know she was texting OM? Her body language, etc.? And why were you discouraged? Good golly, you are four weeks in, just getting some information about WW's and haven't really started applying tough love yet.........and you let HER decide your mood b/c she was texting.

I was missing my W

What part are you missing?

But, on the bright side, I am making so much progress with my own growth. I picked up another book today to add to my arsenal. It is about why relationships become unbalanced. Wow, it's like the textbook I never thought existed on this topic. So much great information. Of course, it's agonizing to have all the thoughts like "why didn't I find this sooner?", "if only my W could read this!" And so on. But I am learning so much about myself as I read and now know why I have always felt like the powerless one in my relationships. Really completes the picture along with NGS, male dominance etc.

That's why I asked you why you let her determine your mood today. She texts OM all day and you miss her? I don't know how to respond to that.........at least, not nicely. I think you are doing a great job at gathering and digesting material on the subjects that pertain to your sitch.

Sandi, you'll be happy to hear that I recorded a few successes today. First, it was my turn to make dinner and I assertively asked my W if she could please help by cutting the chicken. Something that has always frustrated me is that when it's my turn to cook, she sits on her @ss watching TV while I prepare the whole meal. But when it's her turn, she drags me into it with her and I help do half of it. Well, she b'tched and moaned as expected, but best believe she was in that kitchen doing what I asked. I only needed one thing and I thanked her and told her she was free to go when she finished. Later, she came back for a snack and asked me to go pause her show while she fixed it. I'm in the middle of cooking dinner! I flat out told her no. One word. Later, she said she needed a water...I said well then go get one. I'm not your errand boy. She pushed back though. Keeps asking why I have an attitude. At one point, she said something like don't be surprised if I ask you to take me to the airport one day so I can go be on my own.

A very good job! Considering this is actually day one of using some suggestions I've offered. She acts like a spoiled bratt to me, but then I'm not the one in love with her. What did you say she when ask why you have an attitude?

I won't lie, it makes me question what I'm doing

What makes you question it? Are you referring to her snotty comment about the airport? Good grief, if you are going to let something that small cause you to question what you are doing..................Don't you know that's why you are here, to figure out what you are doing? Come on, your b@lls are trying to come through, so stop giving up and feeling defeated over some stupid remark she made. Next time, use Artista's example.

Why were you driving her to work last night? Doesn't she have a vehicle to get back & forth?

The next time she is home and has been texting all day .......especially if it's OM..........get out of there and don't go home until you know she'll be in bed. And don't answer the phone not one time when she starts blowing it up. Don't you dare go home and cook her dinner.

Guard your IPad, passwords, etc. She going to get suspicious. Let her. Just don't let her find your threads, even if you have to put it under lock and key.

Keep on keeping on!