My experience, my perspective is different from yours. Not once did my ex waver in his decision to leave us. There were never any sentimental exchanges or mixed messages, so my opinions and understanding of your situation will certainly differ. My thoughts about wayward spouses is different and that might just be my own coping mechanisms..
However, one thing i notice from the LBS usually after BD is this huge guilt. For not being able to keep their emotions in check. When i first signed on we were all giving each other 2x4s when we dared to show our emotions to our ex's, when we dared to react or call our ex out over their sh!tty behavior. God forbid we weren't these perfect lighthouses shining the light for our lost and cheating spouse. Many of us take on this huge guiltfor minor infractions compared to the actions of cheating, lying, stealing
I look back and want to throw up at that mentality. In the name of marriage we were propagating putting up with very abusive situations. We were not only being hurt by pur spouses, we were being our own worst enemies.
Now heres the thing...whats wrong with having an emotional reaction (as long as it's not destructive or abusive) torwards a person that is not treating us correctly?
Your ex did some pretty sh!try stuff. And yes, he has turned around and made it right. But why are you taking on guilt for reacting to his sh!try behavior? Its natural. It's to be expected. You did nothing wrong. Having moments of anger or detachment is ok because its what you feel. So what if its been a while. If he's done the right thing. You are entitled to these feelings and they are due to his actions. His actions have consequences.
What I'm trying to say, is that you did Nothing wrong. Maybe start accepting yourself and your emotions that are natural.
