Maika, thank you so much for saying that! I am glad that people find something helpful in my posts. Yes, the needing and wanting immediate results quickly is what we all want in a way. It's just not how it (or life) works. This process takes a long, long time and things will continue to change in unexpected ways. The reality is that you cannot change another person, only yourself. Any marriage program that claims that one person alone can save a marriage, is utter nonsense! So we each were given this gift, which is the rug pulled out from under us, and now we can no longer deny we are on the floor and need to get ourselves back up!

Gordie, you had a disappearing post! I hope you will write it again!

I don't have a lot to add. I'll be honest and say that my triggers and resentment still bubble to the surface at times. I can't help but wonder if it will always be that way. It's so confusing to look at someone and know that they are a good person, that you love them, and that you want them in your life, but then to continue to have a reminder pop-up of something so dark and terrible. There are no more sharp pains, but the dull aches can wax and wane, and I keep thinking I have to fix it or make it go away. Then I wonder is there something wrong with me? Am I not strong enough, forgiving enough, or am I lacking genuine compassion for him and his own process? Because like all of you, I can only control myself in this, but sometimes I don't like what I see in myself. I think I talk a good talk, but I know I can do better.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela