I am so glad you are back and posting! I want to echo the others and say that your perspective is invaluable to this community. I started reading here myself almost 4 years ago after my BD in summer 2014. I didn't have the courage or strength to post back then, but I spent hours a week/day reading and following posters, yourself included. It helped me to not feel so alone and I would try hard to follow the rules, but often blew it. I also shared your perspective when you said that you felt that others could get through it but perhaps you could not -- the sleepless nights, poor appetite, weight loss, anxiety, depression, and thoughts of suicide. I struggled with that too. I think I was afraid to post because I felt too defeated and I didn't think anything could help me. I wish now that I had, because the support and advice here is wonderful.
I do have some questions for you now if you wouldn't mind. My sitch unfolded differently. My H could be described as more Wayward (or MLC, but I don't like that term), however he did come back to me after leaving for 10 months. He moved out and took his A to full on relationship, everything blew up, and he ran back. Anyhow, my struggle in piecing over the last 3 years has stemmed from a deep seeded resentment and struggle to completely forgive and let go of the past. I sometimes wonder if I had been alone for longer, or not let him back so soon, if that had helped. I also think that if we were to stay separated, or even separate now, my heart would hold a place for him. I read in your words that you have maintained love for her, despite your healing and moving on.
How did you come to forgive her on your own? Did she not hurt you when she strayed and when she left the M? I am really curious to know how your emotional process unfolded and why there isn't resentment. Did you have to come to understand why she left and explore that, or did you simply accept what was?
Even over the years as I get better with the 180s, GAL, detachment (I still believe in that to an extent in piecing), I have found that those things alone are not a cure for the hurt and damage that was caused.
Thank you for returning and sharing here! Blu
Last edited by Cadet; 04/27/1806:46 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
