I think that there are times that we both met each others needs. But definately not as often as we should have. I think it [censored] that it had to come to this for an eye opener. I started seeing a counselor, I had to stop while on deployment. However I have an appointment on the 1st to continue. I told my wife that I was going to continue. Previously I had left an open invite for her to come as well. This time however I told her I didn't want her to come. I wanted to see the counselor atleast a few times by myself and after that, if she wanted to come I would be open to it. But for now I just wanted it to be me. I have no read DR yet. I will order it after my daughters game tonight. I have read the 5 Love languages. I think it is a great book. My wife asked me to read it about 3 years ago and I didn't. What an idiot. I read it while I was on deployment this last time. I will continue with my growing relationship with my kids. It has been very satisfying so far. It can be tough when they ask about mom. I do everything not to slander her, but some of the questions leave me not knowing what to say. I generally end up saying that is something they will have to ask her. They don't seem to want to talk to her about it though, as she tells them that they don't understand, or that she doesn't want to talk about it. I have (with my wifes blessing) told my daughter everything.
So I had brief contact with my wife today. She text me while I was driving my daughter an hour away to her game. It was about a baby goat, my son thought might not be getting enough to eat. My response was. Ok, thanks I'll check on it when I get home. Almost at Baileys game. Then when I got home from her game, She was in the driveway, in her truck with the window down. I said what's. She asked how was her game. I said awesome, they won, she went 2-2 with 3 RBI's. I took about 300 pictures. She then asked when the next game was, even though I had previously texted her pictures of the schedule. I told her my son had one tomorrow, our daughter has practice tomorrow and Friday, and they have to be at the parade at 1040 on Saturday. Then I said alright see you later, and walked away. When I got in the house I asked my son how long mom had been here, he said ten minutes. I asked what she was doing, he said grabbing some clothes. I asked work clothes? He said no, a yellow flower dress. It is a Japanese style dress I bought her during this in February while on deployment. My mind is going a million miles a minute right now and I don't know how to stop it. If she wears that dress out to the bars or with someone else, I would take it personally and classify it as a low blow. There is also a chance she wears it to our sons game tomorrow. If so, what does that mean? Or does it mean that she simply likes the dress. Then I suppose she could be letting someone else borrow it, but it is pretty tiny, not to many people would fit in it. I don't know. I guess I wait until tomorrow.
Well, I only spoke to my wife once today. To tell her my son has a dentist's appointment tomorrow and may end up with pulled teeth. I thought that maybe she might show up at his baseball game, but she did not. I think he is telling himself that she had class or something, but my daughter seems disappointed as if she knows better.
I messed up last night. After I posted, I went and saw her. I asked her a few questions. She was wearing the dress, said it was just because it was a beautiful day. I asked her about the two guys in our past and if she had been in contact with them. I know that wasn't the best thing to do. My heart won. She has been in contact with both of them. I left her at that. When I got home I text her asking if she had any feelings for one of them. Her response was please stop. I could be overreacting but to me that says yes. I know I should have stayed away. I had a very sleepless night, and I'm going crazy.
Revik, I don't think you need me to tell you that you did more harm than good.
Read Cadet's links again. Read sandi's rules. Study them. Learn them. Put them into practice. Otherwise your days of sleepless nights will be very long and hard.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Also, read your last few posts. All framing your day in terms of if you had contact with your W, how much, and what her behavior is/was.
You are going to drive yourself crazy. You have to detach. You have to GAL. You have to start 180ing. You are driving her away and yourself nuts with your current actions.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You can dwell on it and really punish yourself, that's fairly normal, or you can let it go. With practice it gets easier, but it's not the end of the world man. It certainly takes time and detachment.
I did the same things and it really doesn't help. One it makes them run from you. Two it makes you act like a lunatic.
Just take some time, let it go and think on other thoughts, get busy, do something - workout or fold clothes, or put on a movie you like. Maybe write it out in a journal how you are feeling.
It'll get better bud. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself.
^^^^^^^^^^ Steve and IF speak the truth, I was in the "i just cant stop thinking of it" stage like less than 2 weeks ago. I've had breakthroughs, but it took a while. Stick it out brother. you WILL heal. i NEVER would have imagined having this mindset even 3-4 weeks ago. Its so darn liberating too. I feel like myself for the first time in ages.
Be the master of your own destiny.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I'm at the dentist with my son. He is about to have 8 teeth pulled. I appreciate your support guys. I believe you. But that doesn't make things any easier. Everything I think about doing turns into a potential mess up. For instance. I have Instagram. But not Facebook. I just made a Facebook. I figure I never had it before and maybe getting in touch with some people from the long lost past could help. But the wife has recently got Facebook too and I feel like it will just cause drama. Thoughts?
