Hi Rose, I appreciate your response and honesty. It makes me look harder at myself and my actions that are still too much a part of my feelings. I feel like I am failing at all of this, and trying too many things at one time. It is still all pretty fresh and my H's changes happened so quickly.
Two days ago, the bomb did drop. (More evidence of my not being a very good DBer, I feel). He told me he thinks we should separate. He thinks our lives are going in different directions. He pictures himself in his own house with lots of land, living on his own, with us sharing 50/50 custody. Upon hearing this, I stayed calm. I thanked him for finally communicating anything with me. We had a civil conversation where neither one of us were angry. He told me how hard all of this is for him as he still loves me and about what an amazing mother I am to our children. I reiterated calmly to him, that it wasn't what I would want. No blame was put on either person, we both agreed that during the past year or so, neither one of us made our marriage a priority.
We also discussed some realities... our daughter is graduating from high school this year, with many activities associated. We will be funding college next year. What might this look like for our financial future? I would not want to have to move our younger daughter our of our family home to support two homes. Needless to say, I don't think he has thought through any details. We agreed that neither of us would do anything right away.
We also agreed that for the time being any relations between the two of us needed to be cordial. Despite trying to be upbeat, these past 3 weeks, I did often find myself mirroring his coldness. The constant tension in our house was taking its toll on the kids.
So...now I need to re-read Detach threads. I have also done research on separation agreements, etc. I don't want to be blind sighted if /when things head in that direction.
I need to keep reminding myself this needs to be his journey and he needs to figure things out. It is so difficult.
