No more denial, time to get to work

[MRay]

sandi, I appreciate the interest you have given my sitch and thank you for the advice and insight you have given. I know that this is not done. I am not completely detached, and I will have my ups and downs. Things will change throughout this process, and I will be sticking around to post.

We are still living together, but one of the biggest things we want to find out from the lawyer is how to go about purchasing another house. Money is not the issue. The legal ramifications are. Once we find out when would be best to buy another house, we will physically separate. I think this will be a big help to me detaching. Once we are living apart I plan to spend lots of time finding my own life. I won't try for family game night or dinner night until I am not bothered by her potentially having another man in her life. I need to be truly detached for me to feel okay doing those things. Once I am, I feel it would be a great thing to do for our kids. However, they will need time to process the new situation as well. I will not rush this, at the very least, for their sake.

I have made it very clear to her that I cannot and will not be her bff (in our own words that only we we would understand). We won't text constantly. We won't just hang out. She won't get her needs met through me, but I will be there with the kids and when she really needs me. I haven't told her this, but this is my idea of how our relationship will be going forward. It won't be a typical friendship, but it will be a special relationship. If that leads to attraction again, great. At worst, it leads us to being those weird co-parents that can sit next to each other at their kids events and laugh and smile together.

I have felt that your W had issues that stemmed from her past and had caught up with her. It good to hear she is getting better through counseling. With both of you growing individually......and finding yourselves......there is hope you will find each other again.

This hits the nail on the head. It's amazing how right after BD everything was my fault. I made her life hell for years, blah blah blah. Then after she started IC her tune just changed. Most of the changing of our history has stopped. She sees her issues, and I'm glad she's finally dealing with them too.