Hello, I'm new here. :)

[JRuss]

I think that not much of this is going to be under your control, unfortunately, at least with respect to reconciliation. Obviously, you'll want to work on yourself, get healthy(ier), focus on your child, GAL when possible, and all of that.

But he sounds like he's running away from his life. It's too overwhelming and too hard for him, so he's found himself a crash pad where he can go and indulge his porn addiction, pursue this OW, and, probably most importantly, escape the responsibility and work and tension and stress that real life entails. What you have to do is let him go and let him see that his actions have consequences. No more laundry, no more dinners, nicely tell him to move his things out and, if he dawdles, box them up and have them delivered to him. And put him on a strict(er) visitation schedule so you have notice and can arrange to be elsewhere (assuming he's stable and can be left alone with your child). Consider changing your locks; he's a visitor now, not a tenant.

Right now, he has everything he needs: access to his child, but no real responsibility, and he can hand him off if he gets difficult; laundry and cooking services; a nice place to store all of his things until he needs them; and a spouse who telegraphs that she wants him back, usually without even realizing it (I did this for months and months). Remove these crutches and see what happens. Not in anger, but as you would a perfectly nice roommate who's moved out. He may realize that he doesn't like this new life as much, or he may not. But it will help you begin the detachment process (which is a long, very hard journey), and it may (no guarantees) wake him up.