you've come to the right place. You will receive a lot of support and valid advice here. My piece: don't do anything rash. Always consider your options, and bounce ideas off the great folks here. That will help you avoid many of the mistakes that we have all made after BD.
This one is stumping me. Husband left but comes over every day to see our son and he gets comfy and relaxed in his favorite chair. We are polite and talk but then at dinnertime I end up asking if he d like to stay for dinner which he does most days. He leaves after son goes to bed but not before chatting with me. We never bring up the separation.
Should part of my 180 be NOT asking him to stay for dinner? He never acts like it was a free meal, and he thanks me sincerely.
I noticed that he took his bedside wedding photo of us together that he loves while grabbing some slacks to bring back to his place earlier this week. For someone so out of love for me he is mighty confusing. Im just at a loss, should I ask about the photo as well as not ask him to stay for dinner anymore? Im afraid this will spook him and make him think I dont want him anymore if hes on the fence.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/17/1804:46 AM. Reason: restored post
Together for 13 years, married for 8. H is 46 I'm 40 S is 6 Bombdrop in April 2018 Still in limbo as of 2019
So do I just remember what I typed and repost again? I don't want to bother anyone with my story and chatting if posts aren't working or if I'm a bother.
Together for 13 years, married for 8. H is 46 I'm 40 S is 6 Bombdrop in April 2018 Still in limbo as of 2019
So do I just remember what I typed and repost again? I don't want to bother anyone with my story and chatting if posts aren't working or if I'm a bother.
You are not a bother, sorry the forum is giving you so many issues.
You should for the moment try to type your posts into the New Reply box and use the Preview Post to see if it will appear.
So trying again, I'm just confused by the 180 strategy when my husband comes over still. He has helped me with some things around the house, plays with our son, sits in the living room with me and chats, sometimes he even begins conversations. He gets so relaxed he begins to doze in his chair while we're all in the room together. At our son's dinnertime I ask husband if he would like to stay since I usually make plenty. He accepts most of the time and thanks me for the meal and compliments it, never acting like it's a free meal before he hits the road.
I also noticed while cleaning earlier this week that he took his favorite wedding photo of him and myself together and I'm not sure whether to question him on why he took it if he claims he isn't in love with me anymore.
Basically, should I not be inviting him to eat with us and try to distance myself more for now? He is a ball of confusion at the moment and I'm not sure what to say so I don't spook him.
Together for 13 years, married for 8. H is 46 I'm 40 S is 6 Bombdrop in April 2018 Still in limbo as of 2019
Don't say anything about the photo. What good could possibly come of that? Confused people are frequently inconsistent in their behavior. Don't take it as a sign of anything other than that he is confused and conflicted.
I second the advice to study pursuit and distance.
But I think the most important thing is to differentiate yourself so that your mood and emotions are not tied to his behavior and response. I didn't distance myself in the way typically recommended here. I tried it for one day and it was a disaster. But I did work on owning my own mood, learning to self soothe so I wasn't looking to him for emotional support, getting a life, etc.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Very true, Rose888, he had an emotional affair yet took a pic of us to his place so I m going to stop wondering what that was about. I tend to overanalyze and it doesnt help me at all. I havent been distancing when I ask him if hes joining us for dinner so Im going to stop that and just worry about my son s meals and husband can find his own on his own time. I dont know if he speaks to the OW anymore but its not fair for him to have his cake and eat it too.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/17/1804:48 AM. Reason: restored post
Together for 13 years, married for 8. H is 46 I'm 40 S is 6 Bombdrop in April 2018 Still in limbo as of 2019
