She apparently thought she could move out of a 11 year R, immediately start sleeping with another man, jump into a relationship there, and still cherry pick the parts of our R that she wanted.
Typical WW tactics. My wife was saying she was getting a job and her own place, and that she wanted to continue being "a family". "I'll have you over for dinner." "I'll keep a key to the house so I can help with the dogs and going and getting our D from school." "We can still go with each other to our extended family's events." Etc.
Meanwhile she was trying to meet as many younger guys online that she could. Cherry pick the parts she wanted is EXACTLY right. That's why DBing works. It destroys their delusions. When they see you moving on, letting go, and the reality that you aren't going to allow things similar to what I quoted above, then they start to have second thoughts. If you are weak and give into their ideas because you think appeasement works, then you will fail.
Appeasement never works. In foreign policy nor in domestic policy. People respond to strength.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Typical WW tactics. My wife was saying she was getting a job and her own place, and that she wanted to continue being "a family". "I'll have you over for dinner." "I'll keep a key to the house so I can help with the dogs and going and getting our D from school." "We can still go with each other to our extended family's events." Etc.
My W said precisely the same thing almost verbatim without the dogs part.
Quote:
Didn't you guys go to a festival together, came back home drank some wine and engaged in some adult activities
haha yeahh J. That happened once, which was again a mindf$%K as you might remember for me - should I DB or not DB; is my case unique blah blah blah lol. And then I do a temp check on her and get crushed - bananas.
So if anything, learn from my mistakes. I wish I had just DB'd straight and stayed strong.
So if anything, learn from my mistakes. I wish I had just DB'd straight and stayed strong.
It wouldn't have mattered....don't sweat it...you know everyone does some stupid stuff early on.
Just remember your journey for personal growth is about making you a better person and has nothing to do with your W returning to the MR. Ultimately you are the one that determines your success. It is not determined by your W.
I hope Reframe wont mind me grabbing your attention here. Makia and i were talking and he said you were an invaluable resource. Could you peek at my threads and throw your $0.02 my way?
I know I know J. Ultimately it didn't matter and everyone makes dumb mistakes in the beginning. But after that temp check, it's been straightforward for me.
And yeh, it's you who has the final say. As Vanilla likes to say - the LBS is the one determines if the MR is over. I fully agree with that. You still have that control. Just go on your journey to be a better person and living a fulfilling life. Your W doesn't control any of that.
Her current thing (Besides finding reasons to comment/reach out to me multiple times a day) is asking if she still gets a birthday present.
I think she does - I had planned on buying her something about two months ago (When we were still nominally together) and that plans feel through. But it was something that was ear marked for her, so I suppose that's reasonable. And I don't want to come off as punitive.
On the other hand, she messaged me earlier and said she remembered that one of our climbing ropes was a wedding present. I ignored her. But I suspect she'll press the issue. I suppose if she does I could ask her if she's like me to cut it in half.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
On the other hand, she messaged me earlier and said she remembered that one of our climbing ropes was a wedding present. I ignored her. But I suspect she'll press the issue. I suppose if she does I could ask her if she's like me to cut it in half.
Reframe. As a fellow climber, I would pay good $$ to be a fly on the wall for that comment!
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Her current thing (Besides finding reasons to comment/reach out to me multiple times a day) is asking if she still gets a birthday present.
I think she does - I had planned on buying her something about two months ago (When we were still nominally together) and that plans feel through. But it was something that was ear marked for her, so I suppose that's reasonable. And I don't want to come off as punitive.
OMG! Reasonable? Punitive? Are you serious? She left you and is with another man......and has the audacity to ask if she still gets presents? Reasonable my a$$. Grow some b@lls. Tell her, he11 no, she doesn't get a birthday present! What is wrong with you men? Stop being such a wuss.
Quote:
On the other hand, she messaged me earlier and said she remembered that one of our climbing ropes was a wedding present. I ignored her. But I suspect she'll press the issue. I suppose if she does I could ask her if she's like me to cut it in half.
That's a little better.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Reasonable my a$$. Grow some b@lls. Tell her, he11 no, she doesn't get a birthday present! What is wrong with you men? Stop being such a wuss.