Advice on my scenario pt. 2

[OrangeK]

O - IMO your W is occupying way too much of your head space for a journey that you have been on it looks like for over 4 months. It appears to me that your trying to hang on to anything to make sense of what just happened, anything so you can regain some control.


Regain Control, i dont think so. I never really had control, as far as it occupying too much of my head space, agree 100%. trying my best to change that. Some days are better and easier than others. I think i have had a harder time with this due to the abrupt way in which we disconnected and have had no interactions since. No closure does havoc on a mind that is used to seeking and understanding all the answers. I'm the type that is irked if I dont find out who what where and why. Im trying to let that habit go.


You have to let go and free fall if you don't your journey will be rough. You have to get out of her wake....don't ride in it....the water is too rough. Take your boat off to the side in calmer waters. It will do you wonders.

Doing my best to do this, see above.

If she has no interest in speaking with you then I would make no attempts and move forward with your life. She is also with OM which should further drive this home. Looks like your young, only married for a short while and she found something with this new job of hers. FWIW the same thing happened to my W when she switched jobs. Obviously there is something disconnected with your W for this to occur in the short amount of time you have been together. Like AS said this appears to be more about her than you.


I agree its about her. I wasn't doing anything different leading up to the affair than i had done in the previous 4 years.
Some light-switch in her head flipped as soon as she got a new job. I think having been at home with the baby for the 2 years prior sent her into a tailspin when she got a social life back, and valued it over our M and family. That sound familiar to what your wife did?




Are you fit? Healthy? Do you look good? What have you done for yourself? What will she see the first time you interact with her since January?

I have always been in pretty good shape, and up until GAL'ing had never "worked out" a day in my life, beyond hiking and the climbing gym. That being said, since Jan 1 when I moved in with my best friend 2 months after WW moved out from our apartment, i have been
working out consistently on his gym equipment. Its starting to pay dividends for sure!
She will see a more fit, new hairstyle (she complained about this, but i changed this for me not her) more confident man who is done pining, begging and has a new backbone. lol.
My goal is to be a warrior. A man of honor and conviction. Sound of body and mind.



If you don't want a D then don't push the issue. That is a personal choice. It is concerning that she has went to all these lengths to hide her pregnancy and TRO with you not doing anything wrong. All of it just doesn't make sense to me which should hopefully help you realize that this is more about her than you. You should also question whether or not you even want to be with this women after all of the accusations she has made combined with the OM would be too much for me to overcome. Again this is a personal choice.

Definitely holding off on D for now. more for legal reasons than anything. As far as what she's done and if id take her back, i think that would entirely depend on her demeanor and actions in the future. Time will only tell here. Im not holding my breath.
I still have tiny slivers of hope, but not anything i cling to.


IMO if you don't want a D don't file or push it forward but you have to move forward with your life, enjoy the time with your son and be the best father you can be. Let your w take her journey, don't check out FB, don't like stuff, don't stew over the jacket, don't sweat the small details, don't send her a letter.....doing nothing is still taking action.


THIS is what i needed to hear. thank you. These things all seem so important but they really arent. Time and healing is.

Truthfully being separated is the best thing that has happened to you.

As much as it freakin hurts, yes. I am coming to realize you are totally right.
She has no clue what Ill be like on the other side of this.
And im doing my best not to care what she will be like on the other side of this.