Revik, I finished reading through all your posts and wow. This is a tough one. I've got to say that when I read about all of the cheating before and after the M I couldn't help but see "doom" written all over your M. Seems like there's been a lot of bad behavior on both of your parts and the attitude has been to sweep it under the rug, pretend it didn't happen and move on. Both of you should be seeing IC's I think. There have got to be some personal issues on both sides that need exploring. Unfortunately she's out the door so you can't coerce her into IC, but you should at least seek it out for yourself.
I'm not sure either of you has ever effectively met the needs of the other. Read DR if you haven't already. Also read the 5 Love Languages. You're not in a position right now to implement 5LL, but it will help you understand how you've both been neglecting each other.
Originally Posted By: Revik
I have not been the best husband, I could have been better in a lot of areas. I have not been the best father. I by no means think that I was a poor father.
I don't think any of us came here wondering if our "Husband of the Year" award was in the mail, LOL! But now you know being an OK husband and OK dad isn't good enough. It's not a class you strive for a C in, your goal is an A+++.
Quote:
As a result, my kids have a lot of skill sets that other children do not. I am very proud of that. What I am not proud of, is that they are 13 and 11, and I never went to their ball games until now. We didn't go to the fairs, or bowling, and rarely went out to eat. Pretty much all work and no play. Even when we were playing, there was a work aspect to it. My kids have a very good work ethic and I am extremely proud of that. But make no mistakes, I have regrets, and would do things differently now.
It's good that you recognize that. And it's not too late to do something about it. And it sounds like you are, so that's great! Try to communicate with them more, find out what they want from you as their dad, what their hopes and dreams and goals are and work on those things in addition to instilling a good work ethic in them.
Originally Posted By: Revik
I am thinking about giving it a week or so and asking her to lunch. Not talking about us. But catching up on the week or so that I will have missed. Filling her in on the kids games, and little things they do. Showing an interest in her friends if she tells me about them, but don't pry.
Don't ask her out. If you're picking the kids up or dropping them off and she wants to chat then listen to her and validate when needed.
Regarding the D papers, you can delay the D but you can''t stop it. And if you delay it she will probably just resent you for it. So if everything looks OK then sign it and send it back.
Read the books. Give her time and space while you work on you. If the D goes through then so be it, that doesn't mean things are over. We all know couples that reconciled after D. Life is strange that way.
