I did not end up canceling my appointment, but went for individual counseling, since I am floundering.
The counselor listened a lot, with the first meeting. After hearing it all he asked me if I wanted to truly salvage my marriage. I think he could tell the amount of resentment building up is getting difficult to take.
For example, H was gone nearly all weekend with shooting related activities. Sunday he was gone with no contact for 8 hours.. apparently shooting at more than one location. It's hard to talk to him in a civil way when he returns home in cases like this. Being upbeat was out of the questions, so I took my kids for ice cream. They had been asking me where he was earlier in the day, and I had to respond with, "I'm not sure." It is so unfair to them!!
IC asked me to write a list of marriage goals, similar to what Michelle has in her DR book. In reading that section again, I feel like we are too shaky to even go there. I think the IC wants me to realize just how bad things are. He told me also to stop doing any things for him, which I already had started to do. (Feels petty to sort through the laundry and only do mine, but it secretly feels ok too.)
This is all so confusing. The past 3 weeks H has been really checked out, and these are the weeks I have been trying to limit my contact. I am starting to realize why many of the LBS's initiate the D.
Any suggestions appreciated! Any suggestions to investigate possible OW as well?
