Things seemingly turned around that week. She spent some time with us. Joked around. There was lots of eye contact and her body language was overall better. It seemed like things were headed in a good direction.
No, things were not turning around. What you are seeing is the byproduct of your DB'ing and removing the pressure from her. She no longer felt like she had to have her guard up. That is exactly what you want, but you can't read anything into it because it's going to be months or even a year or more before she'll start to see things differently.
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She even mentioned putting me on her dental insurance when she goes through open enrollment. To me that meant she wasn't intending to file for divorce immediately and was maybe considering the future.
It doesn't mean anything. Like many of us did, you're trying to hard to read recon into every little thing.
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Monday night things took a turn for the worse.
No they didn't, things were the SAME. Your PERCEPTION is that things got worse because you started reading too much into the above.
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She's been complaining about me hanging around at drop-off the past 2 weeks (really the only complaint she's had) because the kids want me to read bedtime stories, etc.
I think she is probably right. It too soon post-separation for you to be hanging out at her house (and vice versa). You've got to get settled into a routine of being SEPARATED first, and acclimate the kids to that. Later you can explore relaxing that a bit, but for now I agree with her that you should drop them off and go. Kids are very much "out of sight out of mind". If you drop them off and go then 5 minutes later they'll be happily doing their thing. But if you linger then it is harder on them.
Regarding this:
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10 months after they were ripped from their home and they're still suffering through their parents being separated.
I sense a lot of blame there. Be careful with that. If your W were here she would no doubt talk about all the things YOU did that caused the S. There's plenty of blame to go around.
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I brought up the elephant in the room being our separation taking a toll on the kids.
Don't. That's R talk, and that's pressure. I also sense some blame assignment there (you blame W for S, so therefore you are passively blaming her for the kids experiencing problems).
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After some back and forth discussion and her bringing up lots of things I did including the "you wanted this and wanted to be with someone else" (almost 2 years ago at this point)
Is it your opinion that 2 years is past the statute of limitations for harboring resentment? Because I doubt she sees it that way!
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Assuming she didn't leave last June and we maintained a single household, the debt would be all paid off by now and we would have had 4-5 months of savings in the bank.
Lots of blaming here. You are harboring a lot of resentment towards your W, do you think she'll want to come back to an angry, resentful H? Whether you recon or not you have GOT to let it go. My brother divorced 7 or 8 years ago and STILL resents his W. You sound very much like him. He blames his ex for his financial woes, the issues his kids have, etc. etc. Everything is her fault, even now, 8 years later. He is sad, angry and bitter. And worst of all, he is STUCK. Don't do that to yourself.
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They're getting dropped off tonight and I'm not even going to get out of the car. She can have her way and deal with them leaving me and see how they behave when it's just her.
So you are hoping your kids will be miserable and cranky and thus you will be punishing your wife by using your kids against her? I have a different approach for you. BE THE BEST FATHER EVER. Forget your W, how can you model the best, strongest, most dignified behavior to your kids? DO THAT INSTEAD. Get out, walk them to the door, give them each a big hug and kiss, tell them that you love them. Then go.
