Hello, I'm new here. :)

[Jlh]

Hi everyone, I'm sorry for the delay in explaining my story, it's been a confusing few days here.

My husband is 45 and I'm 39. We have a son on the autism spectrum and his dad passed when I was pregnant. Recently he lost his brother to cancer about six months ago and he's been taking over as the family caregiver for his mom and niece and nephew, on top of me and my son. Its been hard on him but he stays quiet about everything bothering him.

He had been acting distant more and more in the past few months until I sat him down and told him I wanted to talk about his attitude and behavior. He told me it was hard to get out and he started sobbing and said he loved me but wasn't in love with me. I was gutted and asked what happened and he said he cant pinpoint anything specific he just doesn't love me.

I was a mess crying and sobbing and trying to get him to talk to me which seemed to push him farther away and anger him. I said we should see someone together to discuss this and see what happened and he said there was no need and his mind was made up which made me more depressed.

Two days later he called me and said he wanted to talk to me and told me that he had had an emotional affair with a woman he had a harmless friendship with in the past. he says he had an addiction to written porn fantasies and she was one of the people who would write for him. He told me that he paid a lot of money for these stories and he was almost addicted to them for quite a while. After his brother died he told me he didn't care about anything and anyone and started sexting and talking more intimately to the woman.

After the talk he sobbed and said he is ashamed of his behavior he really did love me and he was trying to make me angry enough to leave HIM and hoped I could forgive him for his actions and we really wanted to try to make it work and he ended it with her. By the end of the week he was antsy and cranky and then later that week he cried to me saying he failed ME and that he is weak and called her. He told me if I love him I should let him go. Now while he's saying all of this he's sobbing and acting ashamed of himself.

After a few days he took his ring off but I still have mine on. I'm not ready to take it off yet and I still have our wedding photos up on the walls.

A few days after the ring came off he told me that he was approved for an apartment and was leaving. He moved out two days after that but has barely taken anything with him. he has no furniture there that I know of only an aerobed and his computer, etc.

The weekend he left he was at the house still hanging out with me and our son giving us both equal time. He was more attentive to our son while playing rather than texting on his phone the entire time, and he joined us for dinner all that week and the weekend. My son and I had a bad experience at a petting zoo and he felt bad and I caught him looking at me with worry many times and he smiled and offered to get us lunch to cheer us up. Again he stayed all day until our son's bedtime.

Everytime he visits he looks so bummed to leave and will have a sad thoughtful expression. I'm seeing a therapist now and more upbeat and learning to be happier and smile more. I was a very angry person before and I'm taking it slow but I'm becoming kinder and more cheerful like when we first dated and were married. When he looked sad I ask if he's alright and he says it feels so awkward to be leaving at night. I'm not sure how to reply to that so I just nod usually.

A few nights ago I was totally perplexed because I was cleaning and dusting and I realized that he had taken his favorite wedding photo of us from his bedside table. Ive looked all over for it and I cannot find it at all, I'm sure he must have taken it, but I'm not sure why if he claims to not in love with me anymore why he would want it.

The entire thing is just happening so fast regarding him leaving suddenly and taking his ring off. My therapist says he is acting like he felt trapped and I'm nervous to try to talk to him about the picture and whatnot for fear of spooking him.