No affair(?), no feelings...is there hope? Part II

[44tries]

O noooo! Very sorry to hear that, Sandi.

I know what you are saying. I still have lingering fear of "rocking the boat". It feels good that she isn't pulling away and is friendly and engaged, but it makes me more scared than I should be to "push her away". Not so much that I can't follow the rules, but enough that at times I try to fight and bend them.


I have read DR a few times now, and routinely recenter by flipping through chapters 5 and 10 (the techniques including LRT and the infidelity section, aka the parts that really apply to me right now). It often seems that MWD is writing about a S that is totally withdrawn, can't stand to be in the same room, etc. A lot of the "positive signs" are things that I already see regularly. I don't know if we skipped the initial stage of total closed-ness because I immediately applied LRT and never argued or begged, or if it just somehow isn't applicable to my sitch.

Similarly, MWD talks about a "holding pattern" being okay. Once you see the positive signs and shown interest, you just try to keep it up and hope it progresses slowly but shouldn't be discouraged by stagnancy. I don't know if that is still true for me due to 1. the A and 2. the fact that my W's main problem is that she has no attraction to me. It doesn't really feel like her friendliness or even her "pursuit" (for lack of a better word) is necessarily something that is slowly moving down the right road. Rather, it feels like I am friend-zoned and on some impossible mission to make her feel as giddy and attracted to me as she was when we first met. My hope is that by employing LRT and following Sandi's advice on NGS, accommodation, and male dominance I can regain attraction while simultaneously building on the "friendship". Oh, and of course the OM spontaneously disappearing from the earth would probably help too. I just hope I'm on the right track, and neither taking positive signs for granted nor letting them get my hopes up. MWD emphasizes being clear on your goals and what to look for, and I think I need some help in that area.

I know that was all focused on the W and MR; don't be fooled, I know myself and GAL are even more important, but I feel much more clear about my direction in that area.

Looking forward to your post, Sandi. Thanks again for all the time you take writing to me.