More on the relationship. Leading up to my leaving on the ship this time around, a detachment for less than 30 days. My wife attempted to talk to me and I basically blew her off. While on that detachment, she told me she thought we needed counseling. I blew that off as well and said, nope not me. (for less than 24 hours and then agreed to it, but she was no longer willing) She kept saying that she needed to be happy and didn't know what was going to happen. I told her that it sounded like she was thinking about leaving. I pushed her, I said if that is what you are thinking, don't string me along. Tell me. She said that it was the hardest thing she has ever had to do, but that she wanted a divorce. Only at this point did I realize the severity of the situation. Since, we have split pretty much everything, agreed to 50/50 custody. Own phones, I pay the bills at the farm. Most of her things are still there, she should be moving into a new apartment in May. She recently got facebook and has been catching up with old friends. She hits the bar scene regularly. We have talked a good handful of times. I did what I guess I wasn't supposed to do. Her response is that she is having fun being her right now, she has work, she has school. She is putting herself first, kids second and that's it. She said that there is no other person. She has no interest in a relationship with another person at this time and that we need to be friends first. She is enjoying hanging out with her friends. Sometimes I think it is almost like a quarter life crisis. But I can also understand her desire for time with her friends. It is not so much that I kept her from her friends before, but I also didn't really facilitate her communications with them. Neither of us had facebook, I still don't, only because I've seen it cause drama. So in turn she never did either. But I didn't forbid it. I really don't know about the friends first thing. It kind of makes sense, but at the same time, I don't know if I can do that.
Currently my plan is to detach. Not stop all communications, because we have kids. If there is something she needs to know, then I will tell her. Other than that I will respond to her is she says something to me. She has free run of my/our house still as a lot of her things are here, I don't think I will change the locks or anything like that just yet. I am thinking about giving it a week or so and asking her to lunch. Not talking about us. But catching up on the week or so that I will have missed. Filling her in on the kids games, and little things they do. Showing an interest in her friends if she tells me about them, but don't pry. That part will be tricky. I don't want to come off as though I'm jealous. I would actually, in all honest get to know at least some of them. I mean that is what friends do right? I have a feeling the response from this that I am going to get is....Do you want to be just friends? And not to go through with the last part of what I am thinking and just detach and continue to focus on me and the kids. I do plan to continue working self improvement and I have already missed out on to much with my kids to make that mistake again.