While I have a little bit of time before I have to call it a night, I would like to add information to my current situation. Before I get to that I would like to say, I have looked into the Nice Guy Syndrome, I don't believe I am full blown, but maybe to an extent and I will try to be more aware of it in the future.
I said that I was an alcoholic. I want to clarify. If I am in the same room as beer, I will drink it. Maybe not right away, but I will, or at least that is how I have been for the last decade. I drank everyday. between 18-48 beers a day. That is no lie. and not an exaggeration. My longest spans of sobriety in the last decade were less than 4 weeks at a time, and that was when I was on the ship and had no access. But as soon as we hit port, I lit it up. Being in my 21st week of sobriety, I honestly never thought that I would get this far. It took something major, and that was my wife leaving. I have not been the best husband, I could have been better in a lot of areas. I have not been the best father. I by no means think that I was a poor father. I have what seems to be a unique out look on parenting. I have always said "It is my job to raise my children to become function members of society that can contribute in a positive manner". I live on and we own a farm. I never went to any of my kids activities until just recently. I would stay at the farm and tend it. A farm alone is a lot of work, but I would also work my job in the Navy. As a result, my kids have a lot of skill sets that other children do not. I am very proud of that. What I am not proud of, is that they are 13 and 11, and I never went to their ball games until now. We didn't go to the fairs, or bowling, and rarely went out to eat. Pretty much all work and no play. Even when we were playing, there was a work aspect to it. My kids have a very good work ethic and I am extremely proud of that. But make no mistakes, I have regrets, and would do things differently now. In fact I am doing things differently now. To the point that 95% of my free time, if not more, is devoted to them. With the farm in neglect. I will catch up on the farm when I have time. If I don't end up with time, I'll either make it, or say screw the farm. I would rather have my family. I have currently lost my wife, and I don't want to lose my kids as well. Through all of this I believe that my children and I have become closer, and they have become more distant with my wife. Even while I was away on deployment, not a day passed where I didn't have a conversation with them, except once when comms were down.
