No affair(?), no feelings...is there hope? Part II

[44tries]

So glad you asked, Sandi . I will include them in my update today:

I have joined a workout club that hosts outdoor classes in various parks around the city closest to me. Today was the first class I attended and I loved it! Can't believe I didn't find it before. Between this club, the gym, and my language exchange group, I am ensuring I get out of the house everyday. The only thing that is kind of a bummer is the city is a 40 min drive. But, I think it's worth it. It is sort of amazing how every time I do a new GAL event, and really push myself to get out there and try new things/meet new people, I leave with a tangible increase in the "I'm going to be just fine without my W" feeling.

I am also doing a final interview tomorrow for a contract job teaching English, so if all goes well I will start that by next week. And I just submitted a scholarship application for an intensive summer program related to my master's that I hope might help put me in a position to get a related job sooner than planned. My current classes are wrapping up with finals this week and my mom and brother just booked tickets to come visit in a couple months. Also planning a surf trip with my sister this summer. So, that's my GAL update for the moment, really trying to be aggressive about it and keep ramping up.

As for how my W is responding to the GAL...I'm trying not to over-analyze or really worry about it, but I'm finding it hard to stick to the rules about giving few details and basically being mysterious because my W is so nosy! Sandi, her response to coming home from work today and me not being there was exactly as you predicted. I had 3 missed calls and multiple messages on different platforms. I responded when we got a water break and just said "at workout group, ends at 8" (she asked where was I, when would I be home, etc). My whole way home she is messaging "almost here?". Now, when I got there I almost laughed. It was like that classic movie scene where the wife is sitting in the dark and turns the light on when her H walks in. She was sitting in the dark office with her feet on the desk literally waiting for me to arrive. I acted like I thought it was weird she was waiting (didn't have to act) and she starts asking me all about what I was doing, how it was, and then goes into how she has been sitting there stewing because she can't believe I hadn't let her know my plans. Now to be clear, she wasn't mad; it was pretty lighthearted and she knew she was being ridiculous. But she was still serious. She asked me to please let her know if I am going to be gone and what days my workout groups are going to be, etc. Is this her trying to exert power or what? And should I agree or tell her I don't have to let her know? I am glad to see the "curiosity" and "interest" that MWD says to watch for, but it feels very...excessive.

After that intense ordeal, she followed me around moaning about how she was in pain and wanted to do all these chores but just couldn't, blah blah. I don't know how or why she ever got into the habit of doing that, but it is not attractive to say the least. She whines and whines expecting me to jump in and do something for her (I assume the habit came because I usually did). Anyway, eventually we go to our separate rooms but somehow she ends up in my room climbing into the bed next to me so we can online shop together. Then she wants to know if I'm making dinner and what I will eat. You can see where this is going...So then I'm heating up her food and she's asking to share a drink, and I'm wondering how I got sucked into the vortex again. It's very hard for me to figure out where to draw the line between letting her initiate conversations and "hanging out" and me ending up doing things for her. It only makes it worse that I feel some sort of obligation when she is tired from work or says she sick, and I just got back from some fun workout class. So, that brings me to my updated list of No More Rules:

* No more being her errand boy whenever she is in another part of the house and wants you to take something to her.
* No more fixing her food whenever she says she doesn't know what she wants to eat.
* No more changing your plans when she tells you, without fair notice, she wants you to help her in the yard, or some other job that will take a considerable amount of time.
* No more hungrily waiting to talk with her when she gets home from work.
* No more over-explaining yourself.
* No more letting her whine and passive-aggressively ask me for things. If she really needs something, it needs to be a direct, reasonable request.
* No more sitting down in her room; if she calls me in there, I remain standing and leave as soon as she says what she has to say. (I don't break this one often, but when I do I always regret it)

I will continue to add as issues arise. I really like this idea .